Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Hey, Mickey. Looking flexible.
“I’m lithe, and my tendons are supple.”
Gross. Hey, Bobby.
“Howdy.”
Buddy, you’re the worst clown I’ve ever seen. You look stern.
“I was going for whimsical.”
You missed it and hit morose.
“I gotta cut down on the botox.”
Sure. I mean, look how happy Mickey is. That’s how you wear a clown nose.
“Yeah, sure, but Mickey’s drunk.”
You’re not?
“I am, but off a different liquor.”
That does make sense.
Hey, Bobby. Rosacea is such a scourge.
“These are, uh, actually not our noses.”
Oh.
“Me and my wife–”
Natasha Monster.
“–are celebrating Wavy Gravy’s birthday.”
How old is he?
“As fuck. Wavy is old as fuck.”
Sure.
“Too old for surprise parties, at least. Although, he forgets stuff now so everything’s a little bit of a surprise.”
I gotcha.
“Just, you know, no leaping out from the darkness at him.”
No. Bad idea.
“Good thing about these noses? You can keep stuff in ’em.”
What kind of stuff?
“Stuff. Let’s just leave it at that.”
Shoulder aching?
“Depends on who’s at the party.”
Gotcha.
Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?
“Defeating It.”
That’s not the clown from It. That’s Wavy Gravy. You’ve known him your entire adult life.
“Listen, just between you and me? All clowns look alike.”
Wow.
“That’s why I asked for the confidence.”
Kinda racist.
“Can’t help it.”
This is a character defect, Bobby.
“I’ll consult my higher power about it.”
God?
“Irving Azoff.”
Sure. How’s Wavy doing?
“Better than he looks.”
Good.
“Clown? Check. Jew? Check? Woman named ‘Mountain Girl?’ Check. I guess that’s a quorum, then.”
“Why won’t you join the Dead, again?”
“Well, Bob: I’m toothless, legless, and wearing a clown nose.”
…
“Ya lost me, Wave.”
“I’m sorry, what did you say your name was?”
“Wavy Gravy, Bob. We’ve known each other for 50 years.”
“Yeah, that’s not a name, ‘Wavy.'”
PLUS Bobby’s great hair, Tamalpais Chiefs sweatshirt, and perfect ripped jeans.
AND Why don’t you give a couple bucks to Camp Winnarainbow? That’s the completely free camp for kids who need a little bit of camp in their lives that Wavy’s been running for going on four decades now. Free for the kids, that is: we should pony up.
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