Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: woodstock (Page 2 of 2)

Donald Trump Responds To The Lineup From Woodstock

March 20, 2016 / / 6 Comments
  • Canned Heat. (“You wanna see heat? Get in my way. Try to pull some crap at the convention. Maybe the building will burn down. Maybe. That would be terrible. Awful. Horrible. Might happen. Don’t want it to. When I pray, I pray that won’t happen, and I pray every night. Great at praying. Love God. Jesus. The best. Building might burn down.”)
  • Country Joe and the Fish. (“Many fish are strong. Powerful fish. Sailfish is out-of-this-world. That’s a champion fish. Wouldn’t think so, because sailboats are not powerful. Yacht is powerful. But a sailfish has brains. Good fish.”)
  • The Band (“Robbie Robertson is a good friend of mine. A talent. The other guys were lucky. Gotta be honest.”)
  • Ravi Shankar. (” I can do downward dog. Warrior pose. I can do the best yoga. I have a great relationship with the Indians, and they all say that I can do the best yoga. Lotus. I could do a handstand right now, but I’m not going to.”)
  • Jefferson Airplane (“I have the best airplane. Better than Obama’s. That’s not his plane. Did he steal it? I paid for mine. Better than Air Force One: everything’s gold. Seatbelts are gold. Air sickness bags have my logo on it. Classiest auto-pilot in the world. Best plane.”)
  • Santana (“Is he a protester? Bernie paid him ten dollars to take the night off from not having a job? Used to be if you saw a bunch of Mexicans, you would build Dodger Stadium on top of them. Do it now and they call you a racist. They’re the racists.”)
  • Johnny Winter. (“He is very albino, but not as albino as me. Many people have told me that I’m the most albino man they’ve ever met. I am very albino.”)
  • Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. (“Stephen Stills has been a guest of mine at Mar-A-Lago many times. Cheats at golf, but I still beat him. Tall, but not as tall as me.”)
  • Tim Hardin. (“China’s laughing at us. Laughing. They’re building and making and what are we doing? Black lives matter? How about dollars, do dollars matter? Because the Chinese don’t care about the lives of the blacks. The blacks are much better off with me than with the Chinese.”)
  • The Who. “(I own maybe four or five of the world’s best swimming pools. Dubai, some other Arab places: they think they got good swimming pools. Nothing compared to mine. Olympic-sized infinity pools. Guy said it couldn’t be done. I said ‘Which one of us is Donald Trump?’ He said, “You are, Mr. Trump.’ I said, ‘ So build my pools.’ I got my pools. No one’s got pools like mine.”)
  • Joan Baez. (“My favorite singer.”)

Once You See Him

March 19, 2016 / / 1 Comment

woodstock couple guy

Hey, gorgeous.

“Oh, hello. Danke. Ja, Ich bin hot und bra-less.”

Not you.

“Me?”

Absolutely not. Nice afro, though.

…

“You talking to me?”

This picture’s all about you, Redshirt.

“Um, thanks? Nice and all, but I really don’t–”

SHHH. Don’t talk. Just stand there and look dumb.

“This is weird.”

I would totally rather have you on my face than VR goggles.

“I don’t know what that means.”

Oh, really? Why?

“This is Woodstock. It’s the past”

Huh. What year?

“’69.”

…

Ahhhhh, yeah.

“Okay, I’m gonna go.”

And I’m gonna watch you walk away, you beefcake.

“Don’t talk to me.”

Y’know, you hippies had an awfully circumscribed definition of “free love.”

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