Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Ton Of Steel

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“Buuummmm.”

Don’t do that.

“BUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMM!”

Stop it.

“BUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM!”

Dude.

“BWAH-PAH!”

Last warning.

“Bum-pum bum-pum bum-pum.”

You done?

“Hey, suck my shine, muchacho. If you had a theme song that awesome, you wouldn’t go anywhere without playing it. I got, like, top-three theme music. Darth Vader, Shaft, and me.”

Whatever. Could you fuck off, please? We are all full up on crazy right now.

“Oh, sure. No problem. Sorry to be a bother. Could you just do one thing for me?”

What?

“Place your hand ‘pon my surface.”

I’m not falling for that again.

“Doesn’t have to be your hand. You can french me.”

I don’t wanna french you.

“Know my secrets! French me!”

You have no secrets. You are not an impossibly ancient alien artifact.

“Stargate, bro. Come lay your hands on me while thinking about your backstory.”

You were made by a guy with a weird sense of humor, access to a machine shop, and a truck.

“Nah.”

“Stargate.”

I hate this year so much.

5 Comments

  1. Luther Von Baconson

    Monolith on a skateboard drinking Beetroot™️ lip synching Here You Cone Again with a dry ice bucket of Dolly Vaccine™️

    • Thoughts On The Dead

      God help me, I understood this.

  2. Dawn Judd

    first thing when i saw it, i assumed it was related to wally. nephew?

  3. Luther Von Baconson

    “Old Testament Machine Shop & Manufacturing, Blandon speaking…..well we’re gonna have to push it back, uhhhh we’re a little short of material, The COVID ya see supply change management ‘n’ all, but we’ll get to her, bob’s yer uncle. Yep, we’ll keep ya posted.”

  4. Luther Von Baconson

    Jim knows
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FARIx7Pfu14

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