We’ll See Summer Come Again

Lo, ‘fore the Tour were the horsemen,
Of which there were four:
Plague
Pestilence
Famine
The guys from Online Ceramics.

(They were dressed as turtles and those fucking bears
But I know
Pestilence
And those guys from Online Ceramics
When I see them.)

They are heralds.
So they herald.
You don’t want an imaginative herald; they must stick to the script.

“Hark!”
(That’s what the heralds cried.)
“Death is coming!”

“Did you mean the Dead?”
(This was the response of social media.)

“Same thing.”

“Very much not at all. Different concepts entirely.”

“The Dead is coming! Are you happy?”

“What about Company?”

“Well, of course Company is going to be there. Company’s pretty much been dragging Dead around amphitheaters the past few summers.”

“You are not a great herald.”

“Hey, kiss my asshole, fuckface.”

Excuse me. Jackass?

Mm?

This started as some of your terrible poetry.

Particularly putrid this time, yes.

And then simply devolved into another lazy dialogue.

Didn’t even really establish the premise. Very stream-of-consciousness. I’m really the only person around continuing the Dead’s spirit of improvisation and joyful confusion.

It just doesn’t make any sense.

Wait until I go into a list thing right now.

What? Aw.

Ladies and Geraniums, TotD has eyes everywhere. High-ups in organizations both directly and tangentially related to Grateful Dead business compete with one another to leak me information; TotD is like Julian Assange with melanin. Thus, I have obtained the Dead & Company 2019 Summer Tour schedule early, and I can share it with you.

[ATTENTION: News outlets quoting this information MUST credit TotD. For these purposes, Jambase and Live4LiveMusic will be considered “news sources.”]

DEAD & COMPANY 2019 SUMMER TOUR DATES

5/30 – Adelaide, Australia (Date newly added, as Billy demanded to be taken to see “that big fuckin’ cow” so he could “jerk off on it.” Follow-up questions were deflected, and the show was booked.)

6/5 – New York City, The View taping. (Bobby is gonna get in an argument with the chubby blonde; everyone else just wants to hang out with Whoopi.)

6/6 – CitiField, Queens. (Double-header with the Mets/Giants game that afternoon.)

6/8 – Some Soul-Deadening Shed in some Shithole Town, Ohio.

6/9 – Some Soul-Deadening Shed in some Shithole Town, Indiana.

6/11 – Bobby’s Bus Eaten by Quicksand, Oklahoma. (Bobby is rescued, but all of his sandals are lost.)

6/12 – Replacement Bus also Devoured by Quicksand, Still Oklahoma. (They weren’t even in the thing an hour and SHLORP the sucker was gone. Bobby again escaped, this time with his sandals.)

6/12 (Night) – Holiday Inn Bobby is Staying in Gets–You Guessed It–Eaten by Quicksand, They Have Not Left Oklahoma. (At this point, it seems like there’s a vendetta involved. Bobby tries to get his lawyer on the phone, but the quicksand snatches the phone from his hand and runs off, giggling.)

“Hey. Excuse me.”

I know that voice.

Oh, hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?

“I gotta go with the drunk guy: none of this makes any sense.”

The drunk guy?

“Italics are regular letters that have been drinking.”

I guess. Bobby, I’m providing a useful service to the Deadheaded community.

“You’re getting all goofy and typing.”

That, too.

“There’s, uh, something that Bill Graham used to say to me. ‘Don’t be a putz all the time.’ I think that applies here.

A little.