Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

What’s Your Number?

When students send colleges their SAT scores in coming years, the admissions office might also get another number that rates the level of adversity applicants typically face — or privilege they enjoy — based on crime and poverty data and other demographic information about neighborhoods and high schools.

The “overall disadvantage level,” known in admission circles as the “adversity score,” will be a single number from 1 to 100. With 50 set as the average, under a formula established by the College Board, higher scores will indicate higher adversity. Colleges that use it will see the number on a template called an “environmental context dashboard,” which also includes data on Advanced Placement participation and SAT scores at the applicant’s high school. – “Coming Soon, An Adversity Score” Washington Post, 5/16/19

100-91 

  • Survived a school shooting.
  • Parents dead. (Non-Batman.)
  • Mugged on the way to test.
  • Super Puerto Rican.

90-81

  • Absent the day of school shooting.
  • Share bedroom with more than three coyotes.
  • Eyes real close together and no upper lip.
  • Normal Puerto Rican.

80-71

  • Taught to read wrong as a joke.
  • Unfortunate birthmark.
  • Those with Dourif Syndrome. (Sufferers of Dourif Syndrome remind those around them of Brad Dourif, but not in a good way.)
  • Wrong kind of Asian.

70-61

  • Lefties.
  • If you show up for the SAT barefoot and in overalls, and then stop by the hardware store to pick up a few yards of gingham afterwards, you get 75 adversity points.
  • Family members in prison.
  • Good kind of Asian.

60-51

  • Really rich, snotty South American kids who play polo.
  • Been bitten by a dog (any size) that broke the skin.
  • Family members in prison for insider trading or money laundering or that type of shit.
  • Live within a mile of a check-cashing place.

50-41

  • Owns used Kia, but had to pay for it themselves.
  • Both parents in the house, but they may hate each other.
  • Could differentiate between a jetty and a pier.
  • Live within a mile of a Target.

40-31

  • Parents purchased used Kia, but has to pay for insurance/gas.
  • Smile that lights up the room.
  • Access to a swimming pool.
  • Live within a mile of other homes, exclusively.

30-21

  • Parents paid for new Kia, and cover the insurance and gas.
  • Been skiing.
  • Wrong kind of white. (Jewish, Catholic.)
  • Live within a mile of no one at all.

20-11

  • Parents paid for Mercedes, etc.
  • Traveled to a foreign country.
  • Right kind of white. (Protestant, but not Southern Baptist.)
  • Live within a mile of several different locations, depending on the season.

10-1

  • Parents pay for Aviv, who is ex-Mossad, to drive you around in an Suburban.
  • Traveled to a foreign country specifically for the purposes of skiing.
  • Best kind of white. (Wealthy.)
  • On the advice of your accountant, legally have no residence.

1 Comment

  1. Gingham is “in” now.

    Seriously I want to wear it because Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island wore it so well, not to mention the Pretty Girls who serve, as the dishes to observe at the Junction, Petticoat Junction.

    That was the Gingham I want to wear not the Gingham that hipsters in skinny jeans, with man Buns and Beard Wax are wearing.

    Life is not worth living when Gingham loses it’s place as the outfit of country girls from old TV.

    Did I just ramble about gingham? Out Loud?

    I am sorry.

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