• The Nuge.
  • Panda full of Thorazine.
  • The ghost of Tennessee Ernie Ford.
  • Pile of pubic hair in the shape of a sad gas station hot dog.
  • Blonde with nice stems and killer tits.
  • Gene Simmons.
  • Vomit on fire.
  • Rerun of All in the Family.
  • Black guy. (Hear me out. Fox News is watched by racist white people, and if there’s one thing racist white people love, it’s when a black guy tells them they’re correct to be racist. Bonus points if the black guy was in the military.)
  • Fuck it: hire Richard Spencer.