Is that BTS? I thought they were supposed to be cute.

“It’s not BTS.”

My favorite is Jungkook. Who’s your favorite BTS?

“I don’t really have one.”

Racist.

“No.”

Not having a favorite member of BTS is incredibly racist. It’s pretty much worse than lynching a guy.

“It is not. Not in the slightest.”

If anyone asks, just say J-Hope.

“Which one is J-Hope?”

He’s the pretty Korean one.

“That doesn’t help.”

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM

“What the fuck was that?”

It sounded very cosmic.

“Right? That was the word that I would use. Cosmic.”

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM

“It’s a little disconcerting.”

“LOOK UPON ME, JOSH MEYERS. I HAVE CHOSEN YOU TO BE MY HERALD ON EARTH.”

“Who is this?”

“IT IS I, THE BLACK HOLE. YOU CAN CALL ME BH.”

“Ah, for Christ’s sake.”

“YOU SHALL PREPARE THE WORLD FOR MY ARRIVAL. IT’S GONNA GET FREAKY.”

“Freaky?”

“I’M A HOLE. ONLY ONE THING YOU CAN DO TO A HOLE.”

“Stick things–”

“STICK THINGS IN ME.”

“–in you? Ew. Please don’t bother Earth. We have enough problems.”

“MY PRESENCE WILL SOLVE THEM ALL. I WILL BRING PEACE AND FREAKINESS. BUT YOU, JOSH, WILL BE THE FIRST TO LOOK UPON MY TRUE FACE.”

“What now?”

“GAZE DEEPLY! LOOK WITHIN ME!”

“I’m looking.”

“DO YOU SEE WHAT IS AT MY HEART? CAN YOU WITNESS THE BLACKEST THING IN THE UNIVERSE?”

“The blackest thing in…ah, shit.”

“Hey, bitch.”

“You’re at the center of a black hole?”

“What the fuck is blacker than me?”

“You got a point, I guess.”

“Now fetch me some cocaine before I spaghettify you.”

“Yes, sir.”