Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: bob weir (Page 34 of 198)

Ahh…The Name Is Bobby, Baby!

March 22, 2018 / / 7 Comments

From the quicksand that is Grateful Seconds–seriously: you get sucked in and don’t emerge for hours–comes this left-fielder. Our own Bobert Herbert Walker Weir doing some stringer duty for the Nashville Tennessean as a concert reviewer back in ’78. The Dead had played Municipal Auditorium the night before (4/22/78) to a half-full room, and were off for the evening before another show in Normal, IL, on the 24th. It appears that the troupe stayed in Nashville on the 23rd, which is understandable, and Bobby picked up some side work.

Those are the facts, Enthusiasts. This is what we know. What is left are questions, and I don’t know how many. This is an NP problem, like the Travelling Salesman’s route: we will not know how long it will take us until we are finished. Let us begin.

  1. Did Bobby do this shit all the time?
  2. Are there local newspaper archives all around the country with Bobby’s byline hiding within?
  3. Did he ever review anything other than concerts?
  4. Movies?
  5. Restaurants?
  6. Did Bobby secretly have a Dave Barry-style humor column poking gentle fun at family life?
  7. How much of the show did Bobby actually watch? (If you read closely, there’s nothing in the review that couldn’t be gleaned by someone hanging out backstage.)
  8. Was there an actual typewriter involved?
  9. Or did Bobby call the copy desk from a pay phone and dictate the review from a spiral notebook?
  10. If so, was he wearing a fedora with a press pass stuck in the brim?
  11. For how long afterwards did Bobby make everyone call him Scoop?
  12. Is there a more Grateful Dead act than a member of the Grateful fucking Dead complaining that an act is too loud?
  13. Who went with?
  14. If Billy, was there a problem?
  15. Such as telling the joke about the kids jumping on the bed, and how to stop them?
  16. When the balloons dropped, did Bobby go, “Oooh.”
  17. What was Bobby’s reaction to the fog machine?
  18. Did he think there was a fire?
  19. Was there payment for this?
  20. Seriously: why the fuck did this happen?
  21. WAIT.
  22. Was the concert reviewer from the Nashville Tennessean a lanky, brunette fox that Bobby went to the show on a date with, and then she got him to do this?
  23. Was it a dare?
  24. Boredom?
  25. WHY THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?

Bobby And Veronica

March 18, 2018 / / 3 Comments

I wanna yell at you for smoking on the horse, but your hair looks so damn good.

“I used the horse’s shampoo.”

It’s working.

“Do you know Veronica?”

No one knows Veronica.

“Pig knows her real well.”

I know that. I meant that no one wrote anything down about her. We don’t even know her last name. Was it Barnard or Grant?

“Huh. Good question. I always thought her last name was Pig’s Black Girlfriend.”

There you go.

“We are in the past, y’know.”

Go sit in the Problem Attic for a few hours.

“Should I bring the horse?”

Yes.

Franti Raid

March 14, 2018 / / 2 Comments

“You, uh, wanna do a thing?”

“Is the thing drumming?”

“No.”

…

“Fine, I guess.”

OR

Jeff Chimenti wearing a hat is like Scarlett Johansson wearing a space suit. Do not keep your beauty to yourself, Jeff Chimenti.  Does the eagle refuse to fly in fear of embarrassing the pigeon? Let the world see your silvery goodness.

OR

Double potato salad.

OR

I feel like Josh is showing me his invisible engagement ring.

OR

“Thoughts on my Ass! Look at my gum!”

No, thank you, Billy.

“Look!”

Fine. Yes, you have gum in your mouth.

“Sex gum.”

What does that even mean?

“Viagra-flavored. Gum gets soft, and Billy gets hard.”

Ew.

“I’m gonna stick it in stuff.”

Your dick or the gum?

“Both! I used to know some skank in Indianapolis. This chick could chew gum with her swimmin’ hole. Blow bubbles, the whole nine yards. I tried to get her on Star Search, but Ed McMahon called the cops on us.”

Good story.

“I got a million of ’em.”

The Rarest Rap Of All

March 12, 2018 / / 1 Comment

“So, uh, if you’re happy with the way things are going, then you don’t have to vote. But if you’re not, well, then you should vote. If you’re a little bit warm, then you should take off your jacket. If, uh, you’ve got a cramp in your leg, then try walking around for a little.”

“Bob, you’re drifting.”

“Gimme a minute, here, Phil: I’m talking about democracy.”

“Not really.”

“There’s a group of young people in the lobby called Headcount, and they’ll help you register. Right next to them is the merch table, and it’d really help us out if you bought some hoodies. We ordered too many.”

“Weir’s right, folks. We’re taking a bath on the hoodies.”

“So, uh, if you register to vote and buy a hoodie, then you get an autograph after the show.”

“Not from us.”

“No, not us. You get Wally’s.”

I CANNOT SIGN AUTOGRAPHS. I HAVE NO HANDS.

“The other Wally. How the hell did you get here?”

THE POWER OF IMAGINATION.

“We’ll be back in just a little bit.”

Saxtet

March 10, 2018 / / 6 Comments

This is all the rehearsing that Furthur did.

OR

“Oteil?”

“Bobby, stop calling me that.”

OR

Even backstage, Mickey doesn’t get a real drum set.

OR

Heineken?

OR

Jeff Chimenti is a Shorts Die-Hard, isn’t he? Everybody knew one in college: the guy–it’s only guys that do this–who ALWAYS wears shorts, no matter what the weather or occasion. Usually, though, they’re fat guys or at least stocky. Jeff Chimenti is the skinniest SDH I’ve ever seen.

OR

“Yeah, I’m gonna need the white people to stop encircling me, please.”

OR

The fellow with the camera is Justin Kreutzmann–you know Justin–and he’s putting together a documentary about rock and roll drummers called Let There Be Drums. You can read about it, and see something called a sizzle reel, right here.

FUN FACT: For the past few years, Justin has been an editor on The Bachelorette.

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