Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
“HAT!”
“Yeah, huh. Got me a cowboy hat. Huh. How about that.”
“You made a cowboy album! Cowboys wear hats! HAT!”
“Please stop yelling ‘hat’ at me.”
“But I got you one! It was a surprise.”
“It certainly was.”
“For your birthday!”
“Just what I always wanted.”
“Put it on! Hey, folks, don’t you wanna see Bobby wear the hat?”
HAT-BASED CHEERING
“See, Bob?”
…
…
…
“Thanks, Pete.”
“He put on the hat! HAT!”
Bobby’s taking the Campfire Band to The Late Show with Stephen Colbert tonight, and took this picture backstage. The Dead, Ratdog, The Midnites, Kingfish, this current group: you name a band that Bobby’s been in, and he was the good-looking guy. Son of a bitch is 69 and he’s still the good-looking guy.
…
…
…
Okay, sure: not tough to be the best-looking one out of that lineup, but it’s still a W for Bobby.
There comes a day in every white crowd’s life when it thinks it can pull off a cowboy hat.
(I’m not even going to mention the smoke.)
There comes a day in every white guy’s life when he thinks he can pull off a cowboy hat.
Hey, Bobby. Whatcha doing?
“Having a good time!”
Looks like it.
“Yay!”
Okay. Happy birthday, buddy.
“Ah. Yeah, thanks. The big six-nine.”
Is 69 big?
“The way I do it, yeah.”
Walked into that one. What do you want for your birthday?
“Bliss.”
Besides bliss.
“I’d like my best friend Jimi Hendrix to return my texts.”
Besides that.
…
“Another tour.”
I think you’ll get your wish.
“I usually do.”
Bobby Fischer There’s not enough room on the innertubes for me to list all the reasons Bobby Weir is a superior human being to Bobby Fischer in every possible way. Wait: Bobby Fischer is better at chess; our Bobby would get creamed in six moves. Everything else, though.
Bobby Flay Bobby Flay has no honor, and he disrespects both his tools and Kitchen Stadium; Bob Weir is a better Bobby. Plus: all celebrity chefs should be thrown in a pit full of hungry mountain lions.
Bobby “The Brain” Heenan Bob Weir never managed Big John Studd, so he wins.
Bobby Shmurda Well, our Bobby is certainly a lot more societally lucky than Bobby Shmurda, let’s say that. You think a creative prosecutor couldn’t have put together a RICO charge against the Dead? Would have been a lot more reality-based than the one against Shmurda.
Bobby Cannavale Don’t get me wrong: I like Bobby Cannavale, but he only has one trick, and plus he was in Vinyl, and I’m going to make fun of that show until I die. (They made the record company asshole the hero!) Point: Bobby.
Bobby McFerrin C’mon, now.
Bobby Jindal Ditto.
Bobby Jones (golfer) Bob Weir does not golf, nor did he found a restricted golf course, so this one’s not a contest.
Bobby Jones (gospel singer) While Bobby Jones the gospel singer did not found a restricted golf course, I have no idea who he is, so I will declare Bobby Weir the champion of this bout.
But, Enthusiasts, there may be some Bobbys that our Bobby is not better than; I’m not making the call on these, you can argue it in the Comments Section in between yelling at me for not seeing Phish (who are killing it right now).
Bobby Clarke, Orr, Hull I don’t know why so many Canadians come to this site, but they do and I’d hate to alienate them, so maybe these hockey bozos are better than the guitar bozo. (Or was Bobby a bolo?)
Bobby Darin Bobby Darin was a supremely talented motherfucker; he could do anything, and he cut Mack the Knife in one take. At best, this is a tie.
Bobby Byrd Bobby Byrd discovered James Brown. Nuff said.
Stop this.
What? What was I doing?
I can’t even look at you right now.
And now all I can think of is Yolandi Visser doing Mrs. Donna Jean’s part in Playing in the Band. Maybe Ninja would start a fight with Billy, but while Ninja looks all scary, he’s actually an art school kid: Billy would punch his tattooed dick through his tattooed asshole.
So: it’s Bobby’s birthday, and it’s a special one. 69 years old today, which means he has to give as many presents as he gets, simultaneously, and it’s not as much fun as it seems like it should be.
He’s playing tonight in support of his cowboy album at the Capitol Theater in Port Chester, NY, and you can watch it here for free.
The Phishes are also playing tonight, in Jacksonville, and you can buy the show or search around and steal it; also, I hope that you can all leave me mean and sarcastic comments about how I could have been there; I certainly didn’t have things to do today (or very early tomorrow) that precluded the eight-hour round-trip drive.
Derp derp derp.
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