Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: donna godchaux (Page 3 of 7)

In Which Mrs. Donna Jean Meets An Italian

July 16, 2016 / / 0 Comments

donna jeff backstage

“Look, sugar: I got me one o’ them randos you been goin’ on about.”

That is not a rando, Mrs. Donna Jean. That is Jeff Chimenti.

“Oh, I don’t know anyone in the Mafia, hon.”

I don’t think Jeff Chimenti is in the Mafia.

“That vowel at the end of his name says different. My father, Mrs. Daddy Jean–”

Not his name.

“–used to say the biggest mistake Roosevelt made was not treating the Italians like the Japanese.”

Wow. The Japanese-Americans, you mean.

“No, the Japanese. Daddy advocated nuking Staten Island.”

…

I agree with your father, but for different reasons.

“Everybody does.”

Such A Cute Couple

July 16, 2016 / / 0 Comments

CELL PHONE NOISE

CELL PHONE NOISE

“You’re onna with Donna.”

“Oh, no. I dialed the wrong number. Hi, Mrs. Donna Jean. Can I talk to John?”

“There’s no John here.”

“Can I talk to Josh?”

“Hold on.”

…

“You’re on with John.”

“I’m starting to think that you’re the bad influence on them, and not the other way around.”

“Katy? What’s up?”

katy perry checkerboard

“Explain your style-biting, John.

“Jesus, you too? I wear one tablecloth and everybody loses their minds. Do you have fruit in your hair?”

“Where should I keep it?”

…

“Katy, I’m playing Fenway Park. Can I call you back?”

“Is that the baseball stadium?”

“Yes.”

“That’s great for you. I think I played the football stadium last time I was there. Which is bigger?”

…

“The baseball stadium or the football stadium?”

…

“Which holds more people?”

“I’m hanging up now.”

What’s Black, White, And Red Metal Stool All Over?

July 16, 2016 / / 3 Comments

donna jm bobby fenway

Gingham Rogers.

“Stop it.”

Maryann and Gingham.

“Stop it.”

Gingham? Hardly even know ’em!

“Terrible.”

Oppa gingham style.

“You stole that from someone in the comments.”

…

“You done?”

Well, we named that little guitarist Checkers. I like him, and my wife, Natasha Monster likes him, and the Deadheads like him. And you know what? We’re going to keep that little guitarist.

“That wasn’t awful.”

It’s an election year, so I thought it was timely.

“Now are you done?”

Yes.

“Great.”

GIIIIIIIIIIIINGham back home…

“I hate you.”

…with a song I used to hear….

“We’re done.”

I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’ll stop.

“Yeah?”

Yeah. Totally. Sorry, man. Hey, what’s your favorite Truckin’?

“Ooh, good question. I guess the Winterland from ’78.”

Not 11/6/77 in Ginghamton?

“Fuck you.”

Fenway Drive

July 15, 2016 / / 1 Comment

Donna Jean on Lansdowne

Hey, Mrs. Donna Jean. Whatcha doing?

“We are zippin’ and zappin’, sugar. But it’s Boston, so we sat in golf cart traffic for an hour.”

There’s golf cart traffic?

“On Storrow.”

That makes sense. You see what Young John Mayer is wearing?

“See? I made it!”

That makes less sense.

“I went down to the general store and bought me three, four yards o’ that fancy gingham what arrived on the Wells-Fargo wagon. Sewed it up in between Comanche attacks.”

None of that is right So: are you officially in the band?

“I never left, swee’pea.”

…

What?

“‘Member when me an’ Keith left Dead?”

Sure.

“Turns out no one signed the papers. Legally, I’m still in the band. I been gettin’ paychecks, too.”

Since 1979?

“Uh-huh.”

Nice work.

“Don’ tell no one, sugar.”

Okay. Nice to have you back around, Mrs. Donna Jean.

“Well, ain’t you a dumpling?”

…

“Serious, though: you open your mouth and I’ll cut ya.”

Jesus, okay.

“And don’t you blaspheme in here.”

Yes, ma’am.

Bring The Kiddies, Bring The (Keyboardist’s) Wife

June 22, 2016 / / 3 Comments

stealie mets

Attention New York Enthusiasts: do you wanna hear some news, or should I just go fuck myself?

God, that’s an old joke.

The good bits and the new material go in the big posts.

Sure. So what’s the news?

Dead & Co will not be at CitiField.

What? So who will be?

Dead & WHOA-OHH-AHHHHH-AHAHH-YEEEEEEEAAAAAHH!

…

Mrs. Donna Jean?

You didn’t hear it from me.

Who’d I hear it from, then?

No idea. But do you know that This Is All A Dream We Dreamed, the spectacular oral history of the Dead co-written by the great David Gans, is only $22.99 from Amazon?

I didn’t.

It’s a good deal.

The Hottest New Celebrity Couple Is Johnna

June 14, 2016 / / 0 Comments

donna jm bonnaroo dancing

“Well, ain’t you a tall mint julep! I’ll drink you on a hot Alabama afternoon.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Martin-Godchaux-McKay-Stamos. It’s so awesome to get to meet you.”

“You the Bobby now? Every band needs a Bobby.”

“Um, well, actually: I guess I’m the Garci–”

“AAHHHAAHHAAHHAAHHAAHAAHHAAAHA! No. No. No. Bless your pretty heart, no.

“That was just mean.”

“I apologize, sugar, but you can’t be walking around with that idea. You take that idea down to the bar on Saturday night, you ain’t makin’ it to church on Sunday morning. Oh, excuse me: maybe you go to Jewish church. Is ‘Meyers’ a Jewish name?”

“I have no idea what kind of name ‘Meyers’ is.”

“Heritage is important, pumpkin. Would you like some barbiturates?”

“I don’t think they make those anymore, ma’am.”

“I got a stash.”

“No, thank you.”

“More for Mama. How them drummers treating you?”

“They learned my name. Or, you know: close enough.”

“That’s good.”

“And they’ve both stopped whipping drumsticks at the back of my head.”

“Oh, that could be good or bad. They might like you, or they might have run out of drumsticks.”

“What happens when they run out of drumsticks to throw?”

“They throw drums.”

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