Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: eric clapton

He Used To Be 6’1″

So sweet of you to spend time with your grandpa.

“This is Eric Clapton.”

Does he tell you war stories and pluck quarters from your ear?

“Not my grandpa.”

He’s racist like a grandpa. You gotta give me that: guy is grandpa-level racist.

“The man happens to be one of the greatest guitarists who’s ever lived.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

“You’re such a dick.”

He wasn’t even the best guitarist in Derek & the Dominos. He was third-best in the Yardbirds. Also third-best in the Traveling Wilburys.

“Clapton wasn’t in the Wilburys.”

He wasn’t?

“No.”

He could have been, though.

“Oh, sure. Definitely could’ve been. Like, in the next reality over.”

Right. Where they had three British guys and two Yanks, instead of the other way around.

“Townshend.”

Oh, yeah. Pete Townshend definitely was in the Rambling Weatherstone-Bumbleberries.

“Cliff Richard as Roy Orbison.”

Sure. Bowie taking the Dylan part?

“Maybe. Is Garcia in the band?”

Replacing George Harrison?

“Yeah.”

Could be. Ray Davies is in.

“Oh, no doubt. Ray Davies is the linchpin of the Rambling Weatherstone-Bumbleberries. Who does the Jeff Lynne part?”

Don Was.

“We nailed this.”

We did. Is your grandpa asleep?

“He’s not my grandpa. And, yes, he’s snoozing a little.”

Is he talking in his sleep?

“Murmuring.”

Can you make it out?

“Something about rivers of blood.”

Sounds right.

Better Than Clapton’s*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99Q31nyH16w

After the show, Prince and Larry Graham took showers, put on their most Christian suits, and went door-to-door bothering people about Jesus.

(Seriously: watch this, or at least skip to 5:50 to hear Prince make sounds with his guitar that a guitar is not capable of making. Ignore the drummer playing BEHIND THE GODDAMNED BEAT.)

*Clapton’s version of Motherless Child is one of the ony things he’s done I sincerely enjoy, so the title is not a dig at the racist boore. (A “boore” is a person who is both a boor and a bore.)