Wondering where drummer David Kemper was in the previously-posted shot? No? Not even a little?
…
Well, you can kiss it. That’s right: kiss it.
Are you done?
Yes.
…
What’s “it?”
WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO KNOW, MISTER MAN.
Knock it off or you’re going to kiss mine. Both of you.
Anyway: just where was David Kemper, ten-year veteran drummer of the Jerry Band, during the photo shoot? TotD investigates…
- Kemper is half-Norweigian and the Winter Olympics were airing.
- Daylight Savings Time misunderstanding.
- He was with friends! Stop interrogating David Kemper: you’re not his real dad!
- Billy kidnapped him out of jealousy.
- Billy kidnapped him for money.
- Billy kidnapped him accidentally. (Billy would revert to muscle memory sometimes and kidnap people in a fugue state, like a man driving to his previous house after work, except with more duct tape and ski masks.)
- Afro shame.
- Brief side note: what do you think the street value of Garcia’s flannel is? Couple hundred, right? Gotta be a couple grams of whatever in the frocket alone.
- He had built a log flume in the backyard of his Iowa home and, from out of the cornfields, great log flumists of the past came to ride with him.
- He was assigned to a lonely outpost in Indian country, whereupon he befriends them and has sex with a woman who is conveniently white.
- Lupus. (It wasn’t lupus.)
- Car hit a pelican and when he went to investigate, the pelican–merely stunned–pulled a knife and chased him down Market Street.
- Kemper figured that Garcia wouldn’t notice whether he was there or not, so he slept in.
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