Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: ginger baker

How I Imagine The Final Moments Went

“DRUMMER. YOUR TIME HAS COME. FOLLOW ME TO TH–”

DEATH BEING HIT ON THE HEAD WITH A POLO MALLET NOISE

“OW!”

“Fuck off, then!”

“DID YOU HIT ME? YOU CAN’T HIT DEATH.”

“Watch me, son.”

DEATH BEING WHACKED AGAIN NOISE

“STOP THAT!”

“You gonna fuck off or not?”

“YOU ARE ON MY LIST.”

“You’re on my list, too, sunshine. C’mere.”

GINGER BAKER THROWING ONE OF HIS CHILDREN AT DEATH NOISE

“ARE YOU REALLY TOSSING CHILDREN AT ME?”

“They’re my children. I’ll do what I want with ’em!”

“STOP BEING SUCH A PROBLEM.”

“Absolutely not. Fuck off.”

“HEY. GET OFF THAT HORSE.”

“Can’t kill what ya can’t catch!”

“OH, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BINKY!”

DEATH (ON A PALE HORSE) GALLOPING AFTER A LUNATIC (ON A POLO PONY) NOISE

“GET BACK HERE!”

“Fuck off!”

Let’s Take It To The Stage

If you can’t do it live, you can’t do it at all.

Some drummers are good, but not too many are good enough to sit next to Tony Allen.

The Butcher, The Baker

You tell me how he made it to 80. Please, because I cannot figure it myself.

Butcher Baker, The Drumstick Man

That you can watch this for free would surely piss Ginger off, so watch it for free. If you give the asshole any money, he’ll just buy drugs and horses with it.

Phil & Company

oteil phil onstage

No band had two bass players. I’m sure some Rock Nerd is scurrying to the Comment Section to inform me of some obscure punk band with three singles from Stiff Records, but I stand by my statement: no band had two bass players. If one did, it shouldn’t have. You can double up on any other instrument in the rock arsenal, but not bass because what’s happening in the photo is what always happens when you have two bass players: one does the normal bass playering while the other fucks around way up on the neck; that’s literally all you can do because if both play low notes, it sounds like sonic chili. And not good chill: the stuff from a can with cinnamon added.

Also: holy shit, why is there a third bass guitar in the scene? Is Geddy there? Is that Geddy’s bass? Did Phil and Oteil jam with Geddy Lee and none of you fuckers told me about it? That is information I would enjoy having, and you know this. Why would you keep this from me? Or, if that’s not Geddy’s bass, then to whom does it belong and why is it there?

Wait: was this some sort of bass-off, like when drummers solo at one another? Ginger Baker used to do that bullshit: two drummers would solo at each other, possibly to the death. One guy goes WHAKKATHAKKABOOM, and the other guy goes BOOMTHANKKAWHAKKA, and repeat ad infinitum. I have not one single time made it more than three minutes into any “drum battle” except for this one:

[embedyt] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJh9W3Gcpmo[/embedyt]

Bass players are like quarterbacks: if you have two, you don’t have any. One bassist at a time.

Also: Oteil’s hat.

Also also: Sunshine Gaydream.

(Yes, some great songs have two bass parts–American Girl and Walk on the Wild Side come to mind–but that’s just a studio trick; no band has two bass players.)