I’m unaware of Garcia ever wearing green, but I like this, anyway.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Tag: jerry garcia (Page 123 of 139)
The Dead weren’t really shirtless guys (and Mrs. Donna Jean). Even Bobby, whom you would expect to barely own a shirt, was modest. (Up torso-way, that is: in terms of leggings, we all know it was anything goes.)
Garcia had a rule: if you’re on the water, it doesn’t count. And I’m gonna be honest with you and it pains me, this fact, but it needs to be out there: Garcia lured the entire crew onto the boat and forced himself on them in an explicitly gay way. Parrish accepted his fate stoically, but Ramrod struggled and founght and tried to slither away, and he was wiry-strong.
There’s nowhere to run on a boat, though. And nothing counted on the water, according to Garcia.
We need to have a serious discussion and I think the HR person needs to be in the room.
The first time he met Billy, Garcia knew–instinctively and instantly–that he must protect his dick at all times.
And We Bid You Goodnight was always the best way to end a Dead show, but the main reason Garcia liked the song was because it was the only number they did he could perform while smoking.
Didn’t know that Garcia invented Emo, did you?
Things we learned during John Perry Barlow’s AMA on Reddit.
- One time, his backstage pass read ‘The guy who’s not Hunter’ and that made him so sad.
- Information wants to be free, but he prefers to get paid for speaking and writing and stuff.
- Once wrote a song about an alcoholic midget golfer called Dorf Rat.
- Bobby smells like vanilla, but in a manly way.
- Back in the good old days, John Perry Barlow liked to get fucked up and shoot pistols off in enclosed spaces to support his arguments. Even Mickey thought that was wrong. “Someone could get hurt,” Mickey said, and this is a man who once chased a roadie with a chainsaw because his gong hadn’t been polished properly.
- 50 duck-sized horses.
- Sometimes Garcia would tell him, “You’re such a good friend: I think of you like a brother,” and John Perry Barlow’s heart would break all over again.
- He is not related to the guy from Dinosaur, Jr.
- He doesn’t write songs much anymore, his time being occupied by sitting in exotic cities with other rich, smart people talking about how rich and smart they are.
- Bradley Manning should be on the twenty-dollar bill and President Obama should be impeached, then visited by the Tickle Monster. (I might be paraphrasing slightly: there is a distinct possibility that I was just skimming at this point, looking for stuff about the Dead.)
- John Perry Barlow is pretty sure he’s The Most Interesting Man in the World. In his defense, he kind of is.
- Him and Bobby once helped each other out, hand-wise, but that doesn’t make him gay because Bobby really did look like a girl back then.
- If he had time to prepare, Batman would win.
- Keith, no contest. It was like a baby’s arm holding an apple.
We haven’t discussed this in a while but Bobby actually thought he was a fucking cowboy,
There were a lot of things Garcia could do standing right next to Bobby and come out even, if not on top. Sexy Tushee Time was not one of them.
What other website brings you–you, the discerning Enthusiast–exclusive news of how the Grateful Dead responded to the news of the Hyperloop? None!
Y’think there’s a reason for that?
Big Dead?
Really?
No, not this time. This shit’s getting arcane.
Phil half-read the article, then demanded that “this hyperlooper the boffins have invented” be worked into his amplifier rig.
All day, Bobby had been giggling, hard. He was doing that thing where you’re at a funeral or church or an orgy–somewhere you’re not allowed to laugh–and now YOU CAN’T STOP LAUGHING. Every once in a while, Bobby would try to catch his breath: he would double over, hands on knees, shaking his head. “Hyper poop,” he would whisper, and again start quivering with laughter. It continued for hours; Garcia had to sing most of the songs that night.
Billy invented a hyperloop, as well: it was sexual in nature, and I’d thank you not to ask me any more about it.
Vince was heartbroken over the rumor that the emergency brake was to be named the Vince Song, because it brought things to a dead stop.
Garcia would check into hotels under the name “Hy Perloupe”. He thought is was clever, and it actually wasn’t such a bad little joke. Then he would accidentally burn down half the building.
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