Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: jerry garcia (Page 25 of 139)

Way Down In The South Of France

Fun fact: the Dead’s impromptu show is nowhere near the most impressive Rock Nerd trivia about the Château d’Hérouville. The Boys went to Europe twice before the famous ’72 tour, both times to play only one show because it took the Grateful Dead a while to learn about scalable economics. (That was actually a theme before Cutler taught them how to make money touring: they would play a week in New York, and then fly to Hawaii, and then back to California, and then one night in Texas. It’s like the schedule was decided upon by stoned hippies voting on stuff.)

Both trips were to play at hippie festivals: the European kids had heard about the Be-Ins and Woodstock, and they wanted a piece of the California dream. The first one was 5/24/70 in Newcastle.

“Hey, Jer.”

“Yeah, Bob?’

“We’re bringing dope to Newcastle.”

“Good one, Bob.”

It was cold and muddy, but Elvis Costello was there and the band played as well as they could with their stiff little fingers.

In 1971, the Dead flew back to perform at another festival, this time in France at a place called Auvers-sur-Oise. But it rained, and so the show was cancelled. As usual, the band had found a benefactor to keep them in the lifestyle they’d grown accustomed to: Michael Magne was a French film composer–he did the score for Barbarella–and he hosted the Dead’s whole party at the Château d’Hérouville.

He had the space. The main house was built in 1740 and had 30 rooms in two wings. Chopin used to live there. Van Gogh painted it.

Look:

And now it was occupied by a bored horde of hairy Americans, one of whom kept walking up to viscounts and asking them how to say “Please punch me in the dick,” in French, and when they told him they would get punched in the dick. If you don’t give the Grateful Dead something to do, then they’ll amuse themselves through destruction; they’re like border collies with arrest records.

Well, why don’t we do the show right here?

Precarious had to be talked into leaving America, but he didn’t let his reluctance affect his skills.

The Dead kicked ass that night. It was loose and groovy and people got wild and real with each other. (Obviously, the punch was spiked and–as in all of these stories–the cops wound up taking off their clothes and dancing.) You can listen to it.

Hell, you can watch it:

(I suspect the film crew was there to shoot the festival and got invited to the party.)

You might say, “TotD, what could be cooler than an impromptu Dead show that somehow became one of the handful of performances captured on video?”

And I would say, “GODDAMMIT, DON’T HELP ME. I CAN DO IT ALL BY MYSELF.”

And you would be like, “Whatever, asshole.”

And I would buy you flowers, but the wrong kind and you would make a face, and then I would beat you with the bouquet of flowers, which is an on-the-nose metaphor but it’ll do.

After the Dead played the Château d’Hérouville, Michael Magne converted it into a studio for rock and rolling types, and all sorts of silly-looking people came by to record albums.

How about Bowie?

He recorded most of Pin-Ups there, which was the covers album and is not the reason people were so sad when he died.

Or the Pink Floyd Sound, maaaaaan?

Hey, look: it’s Roger Waters! And David Gilmour! And another guy! Maybe he’s Pink? (They recorded Obscured by Clouds at the Château.)

And Iggy and T. Rex and the MC5 and Joan Armatrading and Cat Stevens and Bad Company and Elton John. This was the Honky Château, and Elton also recorded Goodby, Yellow Brick Road here.

He looked like this:

Yellow Brick Road sold 30 million copies, and it’s nearly perfect: sloppy and bulging and fizzing over like a proper double album, but it’s still not the coolest thing about the Château.

The Bee-Gees recorded this and How Deep is Your Love at the Château, and now that Van Gogh doodle doesn’t seem so impressive, does it?

Balloony, Tunes

They ran a tight ship.

OR

It’s past that kid’s bedtime.

OR

Rarest Phil of all: baseball cap Phil.

OR

Could the giant speaker be any closer to Keith’s head? When he died, how deaf you think he was on a scale of one to Mickey?

OR

On New Year’s, Precarious always amused himself by getting the newest member of the crew to look for the “heavy helium” to fill the balloons with.

OR

Seriously, why is Phil wearing a hat?

A More Ragged Time

Thought I told you to put that nub away.

“Uh-huh. You still here, man?”

I got nowhere to go.

“It’s obvious.”

Explain everything about this.

“I won’t respond to generalities.”

Why a park, why a doll, why are your jeans so dirty?

“Photographer talked me into it, photographer gave it to me, fuck off.”

Hey, I’m not the one hanging around playgrounds with bait.

“The doll’s not bait, man.”

We got lists for your type nowadays.

“That’s why I don’t go then.”

Sure.

“You should think about the past.”

I do. Too much.

“No, I mean coming here. Unbelievable the amount of crap they let slide. This present is much more loosely organized than yours. Look at this shit, man.”

What the fuck.

“Right? The 70’s were a free-for-all. I’m in the Dead, man: we were surrounded by hordes of naked children everywhere we went, and even I know that ain’t cool.”

I’m too scared to even imagine the thought process behind this.

“You really wanna confuse yourself, try figuring out why ‘food’ is in quotes.”

Make this stop. The past was terrible.

“Nah, man. Stone gas. You could do whatever you wanted. Look at this:”

Is that Watkins?

“Yup.”

Is that an open fire in the middle of a crowd?

“Uh-huh.”

How the fuck did any of you survive?

“Lot of us didn’t.”

Sure.

Balloon Boys (And Mrs. Donna Jean)

Maybe it was just the ossification of habit, but Brent was always stage left. Keith was left, right, sometimes in the middle, once he was by the merch table.

OR

“Don’t you do it, Weir.”

“What?”

“Step on a balloon.”

“You saw my leg?”

“I saw your leg, man.”

“Hey, Jer.”

“Ah, shit.”

“Y’know, it’s New Year’s Eve.”

“Every fuckin’ year.”

“That means, uh, that this is the anniversary of our friendship.”

“Great, man. Play the song.”

“I got you a little something.”

“You really shouldn’t have.”

“Here ya go, Jer.”

“You went to Jared.”

“I did, yeah.”

“Is this a tennis bracelet?”

“Better. Anklet.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

OR

Later that evening, Mrs. Donna Jean (already in her ceremonial gown) would be thrown into the volcano to appease Gbaja-biamila, the god of backup singing.

At Last: A Politician Without Any Skeletons In His Closet

If you told someone in the room when this picture was being taken (’81-ish?) that two of the guys would be dead and one would be a U.S. Senator, the response would be,

“Well, I know one person who isn’t going to be a Senator.”

(In a reality perpendicular to ours, Bobby has been the Representative for California’s 2nd District on and off for thirty years. 2017 Phil could play a Senator on teevee. All the other Grateful Deads–in all iterations–are unelectable in every reality.)

From The Mixed-Up Files of Frank J. Russo

Hey, Garcia. Whatcha doing?

“Hanging out in the bathroom in a jacket.”

Cool, cool. Hey, lemme ask you a question.

“Yeah, man?”

You ever want to be in a storyline? You know: star in one?

“I dunno, man. Think I’ll stick with the cameos. Not really my shtick, right? Weir’s better at it, anyway.”

No, you’d be great. You’re a very dynamic character.

“The ladies call me the Human Dynamo.”

There you go. How about it?

“Ehh. What was this last one about? I mean, they’re all a bit loosey-goosey for my taste. Never liked the scatterbrained art films.”

There’s absolutely nothing artistic whatsoever about what I do.

“Still, man.”

Last one was fun.

“Numerous iterations of myself got blowdarts to the neck, man. That’s not fun.”

It was funny.

“Ha. The Russian guy? Elvis? Seemed like you just had everyone chase each other around for no reason so they could tell jokes.”

Nooooooo.

“Right, man.”

So much fun! Look what you’re missing!

“Putin still alive.”

“YOU GONNA TIRE OUT SOON, BOY! CAN’T NOBODY KEEP UP TH’ BUTTERFLY F’R LONG!”

“Putin is like fish vith huge penis.”

“NEITHER O’ THOSE THINGS!”

“Both!”

“NEITHER!”

“If you in boat, how come you nyet catch me yet?”

“THASS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION, POOTER. DON’T MAKE A LICK O’ SENSE.”

“Putin show dumb American trick.”

RUSSIAN DIVING NOISE

RUSSIAN RESURFACING NOISE

“Ptoo. Is fish.”

“DIDJOO JUS’ CATCH THAT GROUPER WITH YER MOUTH?”

“Da.”

“GIVE TH’ DEVIL HIS DUE, MAN. THASS SOME GOOD FISHIN’.”

“Spaceeba.”

thwip

sploosh

“Ha. Blowdart miss Putin.”

“WASN’T AIMIN’ FOR YOU, MAN.”

ENRAGED SHARK NOISE

“JUS’ TRYIN’ T’ PISS OFF JABBERJAW THERE.”

“Shitski.”

Garcia?

Garciiiiia?

“What, man?’

Weren’t you paying attention?”

“I got busy.”

Put that down.

“Fuck off.”

Don’t do lines, do storylines.

“Pass.”

It’s very rude of you to have an opiate addiction.

BATHROOM DOOR SLAM

I was done talking to you, too.

Two Irishmen, A Jew, And A Mexican Walk Into The Senate Cloakroom

On one hand, you should wear a suit when you meet a Senator; on the other hand, fuck that shit.

OR

I always get Chris Matthews mixed up with Tim Russert and Chris Berman. They’re bloated, gently-talented, and you just know that there’s a whole wall in their office devoted to pictures of them with important people that visitors get undesired tours of.

OR

It’s not Mickey’s fault that he looks ridiculous, Younger Enthusiast. The 80’s/early 90’s were all about the double-breasted suit, which makes 99% of men look like they’re swimming in a box made of fabric.

OR

Pretty sure this is ’93. I have no joke or observation about that fact, but I googled for almost ten minutes straight trying to figure it out, and I didn’t want the information to go to waste.

OR

“No, Mickey, we can’t wire the Rotunda for sound and have a drum circle with the pages.”

“Aw.”

“Jer, you got any stash?”

“I might have something on me, Senator.”

“Break that shit out, then. Let’s get fucked up.”

“Sweet.”

You Can Go Sleep At Home Tonight If You Can Get Up And Choogle Away

The only good thing about dying young is that you get it out of the way, and then you can go about your business without death hanging over your head; other than that, you should endeavor to become old enough to really and truly embarrass yourself.

OR

This is from 3/28/81 at the Grugahalle in Essen, Germany, which was more precisely West Germany at the time. (“Grugahalle” is a German word that means “My lederhosen have been stolen by dark elves; Helga, bring me my Luger.”) Pete was not planning on sitting in–he didn’t bring his guitar and borrowed one of Bobby’s–and truly could not figure out where the beat was. Whatever he’s doing in the picture above may or may not be part of the reason.

(The great Jesse Jarnow sent me this pic, but we disagree on how to interpret Pete’s furtive, yet incredibly public, gesture. I said he was snooting a little tootski; JJ goes with lighting a jazz cigarette. WHAT SAY YOU, ENTHUSIASTS?)

Seriously: Pete’s got no clue. Watch:

Hey, look: it’s the Flying Karamazov Brothers. (The Trump Administration claims that they have never met with the Flying Karamazov Brothers, which is odd because no one brought it up.)

I posted the second set with Pete, but the Althea in the first set is one of the BEST EVAR.

OR

Moob.

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