Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: joe walsh

I’m Just Here For Yayo

Let’s keep it going with the cokeyshambles, Enthusiasts. The cream of the crop you’ve sent in so far is this astoundingly loopy performance from The Only Cool Eagle.

In a waste of talent that can only be called “Joe Walshian,” everybody’s pal Joe is backed up by Marcus Miller, Hiram Bullock, and Omar Hakim  on this 1988 episode of Night Music starring David Sanborn’s perm. Joe has lost the ability to speak, remember lyrics, find the one, and dress himself due to a limiting factor that all fuckups discover, eventually: YES, the cocaine and booze will balance one another out, BUT not if you snort an ounce and drink a bottle.

Next up!

And I’m not calling you fuckers Rock Nerds or anything, but two of you suggested Dr. Hook. That’s a tell.

Send in more filmed coke binges! I demand it!

Life’s Bjeen Good To Me So Far

Hey, Joe Walsh.

“Heeeey, man.”

What’s going on here?

“No idea. Am I on drugs again?”

I don’t think so. That’s Bjork.

“God bless you.”

No, her name is Bjork.

“Is that her first name or last name?”

First. Her full name is Bjork Bjorksen.



“Nah, man. That’s not a real place.”

I swear, Joe. Like, 400,00 people live there. They even have cable teevee.

“Huh. Well, yeah, okay, but what the fuck is this, man?”

You never met an artistic white girl before?

“Sure, lots of ’em.”

Well, she’s the most artistic and the most white you can get.

“She smells like ambiguity.”

There ya go.

In Which Mickey Hart Meets A Beatle (But Not An Eagle)

mickey ringo joe walsh“I don’t have the money, Ringo. I’m gonna get it.”

“Y’better fuckin’ get it, y’bastard. I’ll kick you right in the shins.”


“Hey, Ringo. What are you and Joe Walsh talking about?”


“Nice talking to you.”


“Why do they call you Ringo?”


“Y’know, Mickey, after the Dead & Company tour wraps up, we’d love to have you on my All-Stars tour. It’s a lot of fun.”

“Ringo, I’d love to. What an honor. I have twelve trucks full of equipment and a traveling staff of seven.”

“Nice talking to you.”


“Ringo, did you know the Dead played many Beatles songs?”

“I didn’t. Did you play them well?”

“Oh, no. Not at all. Uniformly our worst covers. Plus, we half-assed our way through ’em. Sounded kinda like the band that came in second in the Battle of the Bands at the high school.”

“If it makes you feel better, The Beatles were terrible live. Or, you know: we would have been. The road wasn’t for us, you know. We preferred to stay in London and make records, and then go on vacation. Was that the Dead’s strategy?”

“No, we went to Wisconsin in the winter.”


“And then we went back in the summer.”

“Is it nicer then?”

“Very humid.”



“Is that a rented tux?”

“Of course not. I got it from Creepy Ernie.”

“I thought he just did trousers.”

“He’s expanding. You know Creepy Ernie?”

“Was in there the other day. Went on this out-of-nowhere rant about how ‘cocksucker’ was a misunderstood word.”

“Yeah, he’ll do that.”

“Then he grabbed my gentleman’s sausage and asked if I wanted to get hard with a little help from my friends.”

“I always found it nice how Ernie individualizes his perversions to the specific customer.”

“Old-fashioned service.”