• Okay, so, to recap: Freddie’s dead, Rock and Roll marches on, and the sun is setting on Wembley Stadium.
  • Bunch of groups came out and played, but now it’s What’s Left Of Queen as the house band backing up singers.
  • (There are also a shitload of backing musicians and an entire choir, but that’s neither here nor there.)
  • Hey, it’s Tony Iommi!
  • Someone warn Lita Ford.
  • And now Roger Daltrey is doing his mic-swinging nonsense.
  • These men were impossibly old when I watched this in 1992.
  • They’re all around my age.
  • Everyone’s still got their hair and waistlines.
  • Lefties shouldn’t be allowed to play guitar; it looks odd and confuses me.
  • Those nuns who used to violently coerce the naturally left-handed into being righties knew what they were doing.
  • Well, that was harmless.
  • Bye, Rog.
  • What the fuck is this?
  • Zucchero?
  • What the Zucc is this?
  • Get this sweaty greaseball off my stage.
  • And they’re playing Las Palabras De Amor, too, which is a dreadful song.
  • Seriously, who is this?
  • …
  • Ah, shit, he’s Italian.
  • I retract the “greaseball” comment.
  • But, c’mon, look at this fat bastard.
  • You could cook a chicken in his leavings.
  • He’s sold 60 million records?
  • Jesus, the world has terrible taste in music.
  • Fuck off, Zucc.
  • Dammit, Gary Cherone’s back.
  • Ooh, Hammer To Fall.
  • Or, as Freddie used to announce it, “HAMMADAFAAAAW!”
  • Gary’s still wearing his saddle shoes and he simply will not stop shimmying.
  • And Tony Iommi’s still up there looking miserable and poorly-coiffed.
  • Tony Iommi has never had a good haircut.
  • Not once.
  • Oh, no, Gary Cherone.
  • He is doing the Rock Move where he stands right next to Brian and shares the mic with him.
  • Get the fuck away from Brian May, Gary Cherone.
  • Go bother Eddie Van Halen.
  • AND STOP SHIMMYING, GODDAMMIT.
  • Look at this shit, man:
  • Did you see that shit, man?
  • Not right.
  • On my list: left-handed guitarists and that motherfucker.
  • Stone Cold Crazy time.
  • SleepingverysoundlyonaSaturdaymorningIwasdreamingIwasAlCapone…
  • Hetfield’s singing.
  • Without a guitar.
  • He looks lost and scared.
  • Like a turtle without his shell.
  • And he’s just kinda pacing back and forth and has no idea what to do with his arms.
  • It’s adorable.
  • Oh, now he’s air-guitaring.
  • And it’s not adorable any more.
  • He does have a vest on.
  • No word whether or not he stole it from Def Leppard’s drummer.
  • PERCY!
  • Hey, fucker!
  • I wrote about you a few weeks ago.
  • You didn’t come off well.
  • He’s wearing some sort of tunic/scarf combo.
  • I can’t tell if the scarf is part of the tunic or they are separate components.
  • Rock Stars and their complicated clothing.
  • At the show, Percy did Innuendo with the band, but it sucked and they cut it for the video release; he gets to do Crazy Little Thing.
  • He’s doing his usual bullshit.
  • Imagine Robert Plant singing Crazy Little Thing Called Love.
  • There you go.
  • That’s how it sounds.
  • There are no surprises here.
  • The three live Queens started planning this show the night Freddie died, and I don’t say that to accuse them of buzzardism or anything.
  • It is absofuckinglutely what Freddie would have wanted.
  • I’m surprised he didn’t organize it himself.
  • Jesus, Brian’s singing a ballad while accompanying himself on the piano.
  • Not like this.
  • NOT LIKE THIS.
  • Dire.
  • Fuckin’ dire.
  • Guess what the song’s called.
  • Guess.
  • You won’t get it even if you’re the biggest Queen fan.
  • …
  • Brian is singing, in honor of a man who just died of AIDS, a song entitled Too Much Love Will Kill You.
  • I’m gonna call Brian “Nostrils” because he is on the nose.
  • Perhaps we see here the genesis of the “evil, evil homosex” theme of Bohemian Rhapsody.
  • I’m still pissed off about that fucking movie, by the way.
  • Yes, Brian.
  • Too much love will kill you in the end.
  • Why don’t you just say “Buttsex murdered my friend?”
  • Everyone is going to the Problem Attic.
  • Paul Young?
  • Who?
  • Guy’s got four notes in his range.
  • And he looks like a half-melted George Michael.
  • I’m bored.
  • Fuck you, Paul Young.
  • Jesus, even your name is boring.
  • They wasted Radio Gaga on this guy?
  • Lady Gaga should have sang Radio Gaga.
  • I know she was eight, but she’s just that talented.
  • There is no way Paul Young didn’t buy his trousers at Chess King.
  • I had a pair of those pants.
  • Ugh, pleats.
  • Take this lump off my teevee, please.
  • Lefties, Gary Cherone, and Paul Young: all getting it in the ear.
  • Someone still loves you.
  • Not you, Paul Young.
  • No one loves you.
  • I almost fast-forwarded through you.
  • Brian introduces the back-up singing ladies.
  • They do not get last names.
  • Oh, Lord, it’s Seal.
  • The dream of the 90’s is alive at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert.
  • I’ll give this to Western Civilization: we were the only ones to invent the Tribute Concert.
  • Ming Dynasty just did vases.
  • Not one show-ending super-jam.
  • Just vases.
  • Anyway, Seal is wearing enormous spectacles.
  • The size of those fuckers!
  • Most people wouldn’t have the balls to wear glasses that massive.
  • Or the neck strength.
  • Seal might be imbuing Who Wants To Live Forever, which keen-eyed Enthusiasts will spot as originating on the Highlander soundtrack, with a bit more sincerity than the song deserves.
  • It’s not a metaphor.
  • It’s literally about living forever via chopping off the heads of other Immortals.
  • Camp it up a bit, Scarface.
  • He is the only black guy at the whole show, though.
  • And now Lisa Stansfield is here to sing I Want To Break Free.
  • Remember Lisa Stansfield?
  • She’s back.
  • In Pog form.
  • Were this concert held today, the part of Lisa Stansfield would be played by Jessie J.
  • Or perhaps one of the members of Little Mix.
  • I love this fucking song so much.
  • I would lend this song money for a bus ticket out of town to escape an abusive relationship.
  • All right, that’s enough Lisa Stansfield for the next twenty years.
  • BOWIE.
  • And Annie Lennox as Raccoon Dracula.
  • Told you.
  • Here, watch it:

  • Did you watch it?
  • I told you to watch it.
  • Why don’t you listen?
  • Lefties, Gary, Paul Young, and you.
  • List is growing, man.
  • Oh.
  • I just remembered that Bowie is dead and now I’m sad.
  • Maybe if we all clap, he’ll come back to us.
  • Clap, children!
  • Clap for TinkerBowie!
  • …
  • Did it work?
  • No?
  • Well, try harder.
  • Hey, it’s Mott the Hoople!
  • Ronson and Hunter!
  • Yay!
  • All The Young Dudes!
  • Yay!
  • What the fuck does any of this have to do with Freddie?
  • And, Jesus Christ, who told David Bowie he was allowed to bring his saxophone?
  • Jeff Leppard on backing vocals, doing the traditional hand-to-ear pose.
  • Heroes?
  • They’re doing Heroes now?
  • The big Queen hit song Heroes?
  • This would piss Freddie off.
  • “It’s my tribute concert, darling. If he wants to play his songs, then let him fucking well die.”
  • Credit where it’s due: Queen is hell of a backing band.
  • Try clapping again for Bowie.
  • Just try.
  • Oh, David.
  • He’s dropped to his knees and he’s saying the Lord’s Prayer.
  • Not inclusive, Dave.
  • Get up.
  • Stop this.
  • You’re embarrassing your hair, David Bowie.
  • Leave God out of this.
  • Yay, George Michael!
  • Ah, for fuck’s sake, he’s dead, too.
  • What the shit, God?
  • You’re back in this now.
  • I know I said to leave You out of it, but You’re kind of a prick, huh?
  • Paul Young is still touring.
  • But you took Bowie and George Michael.
  • Douchebag.
  • It’s the Acoustic Mini-Set!
  • The world turns, but always returns to its origin.
  • Nothing changes; everything lasts.
  • And back out comes Lisa Stansfield, whom I thought I was rid of, to duet with George on These Are The Days Of Our Lives.
  • Woman’s got a pair of legs on her.
  • Ankles, shins, calves, knees, thighs.
  • Two of each!
  • Legs, man.
  • Backstory while they’re dirging this away: all 72,000 seats were sold before any guests were announced.
  • People just figured that some impressive fuckers, and Paul Young, would show up.
  • SOMEBODY TO LOVE.
  • George fucking kills this.
  • I’m just gonna shut the fuck up and watch.
  • Join me:

  • Right?
  • If that don’t give you goosebumps, then you done lost your goose.
  • Climax of the show right there.
  • BUT NO!
  • THE KING OF HOMOSEXUALS APPEARS!
  • It’s Sir Elton, everybody!
  • Singing Bohemian Rhapsody an octave too low, and wearing a fetching pair of leather slacks, a fringed cowboy jacket, and what I believe is his Sunday-go-to-meeting hairpiece.
  • “Hi, my name’s Frank. I love line dancing, traveling, and I didn’t kill my first wife. Don’t listen to the cops; they’re liars. Can I buy you a Singapore Sling?”
  • It’s the tape section!
  • Queen never played the opera part of BoRhap live: they left the stage and let the tape play while the light rig flashed.
  • And then they blew some shit up and played the loud part.
  • Everyone was happy with the arrangement.
  • AXL!
  • IN A FUCKING LEATHER KILT!
  • LOOK HOW AXL HE IS!
  • THAT IS THE MOST AXL THAT AXL COULD BE!
  • I’ll stop yelling.
  • Axl is so cool, man.
  • People were mad that he was invited to participate in this show.
  • Partially because Axl, while now woke, used to be an enormous shitbag homophobe.
  • 50-year-old Axl hates Trump, but the one in the picture?
  • That fucker would’ve had on a MAGA hat, I guarantee it.
  • People change, even if they’re Axl Rose.
  • Look how worn out the Rock has made Axl:
  • It’s like he’s been through a trauma.
  • Look how proud Elton is, though.
  • “Good for you, William. You didn’t start one single riot! I knew you had it in you.”
  • (Can’t you totally see Elton John calling Axl “William?”)
  • Now Elton’s doing The Show Must Go On, which is a brilliant song, but they’ve shifted it down a few keys so he could hit the notes and energy is lost.
  • Ugh, and Tony Iommi’s back.
  • Kiss my dick, Tony Iommi.
  • How do you beat up Lita Ford?
  • She was a fucking Runaway!
  • I mean, you shouldn’t hit any women.
  • But especially not one who was in the Runaways.
  • Those chicks dealt with enough bullshit already.
  • BOOM BOOM THWACK!
  • BOOM BOOM THWACK!
  • Holy shit, Axl’s back and he’s changed outfits again.
  • I couldn’t love him more.
  • White leather jacket, white spandex bike shorts, black Doc Martens.
  • And the bandana, of course.
  • Axl does not skip leg day.
  • He’s doing his little kick-y dance and just being as Axl as possible.
  • How Axl is Axl?
  • He is that Axl.
  • (I don’t know what to call that Rock Move. Is it a vertical Worm? I want to call it the Shazbot, but I have no reason why. “Shazbot” just popped into my head.)
  • And now here’s Liza Minelli.

  • The crowd did not know what to do with the information that Liza was coming out.
  • The English were confused.
  • Fuck ’em: Liza was brilliant.
  • And she is LIZA with a Z.
  • Big ol’ show biz smile plastered on her pixie cut, over-emoting the shit out of We Are The Champions, pilled-up: LIZA.
  • The only way Liza could have been more Liza during this performance is if she had entered into a disastrous marriage halfway through the second verse.
  • If you don’t wanna watch:
  • Yup, that’s Jeff Leppard.
  • Liza is vamping over the outro and it’s glorious.
  • Okay, folks.
  • That’s all there is.
  • Don’t get AIDS.
  • Otherwise, Paul Young will show up.