Thoughts On The Dead

Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: magnaball

Sunday Phunday

August 23, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Image result for magnaball
“Ermagerd! The Phishes just played an entire improvised set! ERMAGERD!

…

I think the Dead used to call that a second set.

“You’re a party pooper and you’re no phun.”

Stop it. Stop doing that to words.

“You’re phull of phake phoolishness, and–”

I’m begging you.

“–you’re just phucked, phucker.”

…

You done?

“I hope you get phlebitis.”

That actually does start with a–

“Shut up.”

Little Red Harry Hood

August 22, 2015 / / 0 Comments

https-insdtagram.com-p-6s_
My, Tristramshandy Anorexianervosa, what big jams you have.

“All the better to rock you, my man.”

And, Tropicana Anaconda, what red hair you have.

“All the better to grey gracefully along my manly jawline, my dude.”

And, Trustafarian Anabaptist, what long solos you take.

…

“You going anywhere with this, or did you just want to make up silly names for me?”

The second thing.

“Great. Can I get back to my job, please?”

Soloing?

“I do other things.”

Everything that you do that isn’t a solo is just killing time until the next solo.

“Not true.”

Gonna call you Hope.

…

Know why your new name’s Hope?

…

Wanna know why?

…

“Why am I–”

HOPE SOLO.

“–named Hope? Okay, we’re done.”

Contests In Which The Dead Beats Phish

August 22, 2015 / / 0 Comments
  • Tennis (Singles, doubles, mixed doubles.)
  • (In this case, mixed doubles is a person and a keyboardist.)
  • Soloing for distance.
  • Soloing for accuracy.
  • Billiards.
  • Croquet.
  • Polo.
  • (Although, in all honesty: Billy is just going to knock Mike unconscious with a cue/mallet/horse and then the game’s over.)
  • Diving.
  • Water polo.
  • Marco Polo.
  • That thing with the greased-up watermelon.
  • (Let’s just say the Dead would beat The Phishes at all water-related activities; despite the band’s aquatic name, Trey sinks to the bottom instantly and Page is not a strong swimmer. Also, Fishman likes to pee in the pool, but he does it from the diving board, so he’s banned from a lot of places.)
  • The Dead are so much better than The Phishes at getting arrested that it’s embarrassing.
  • Jeff Chimenti was a Dead for, like, two months and got thrown in the jailhouse.
  • Whereas certain Phishes have not been arrested ever.
  • …
  • Of course it’s Page.
  • Duh.
  • Each group has a Benjy, so that’s a tie.
  • If the Dead and Phish were dropped in the wilderness with no supplies, none of them would last 24 hours, so that is also a tie.
  • The Dead has a handsome guy, but Mike cares about what he wears: aesthetic draw.
  • Mickey and Billy are two people; Fishman is only one people.
  • Mathematically, that is a win for the West Coast.
  • Trey has written a Broadway musical, but Phil once drunkenly wandered onstage during The King & I and got tackled by Yul Brynner.
  • I’m almost inclined to give that one to Phil.
  • If you ask them to line up alphabetically according to band name, the Dead would be first.
  • Finally–and this is something I do not personally agree with, but read on Twitter–this might be a conversation in an alternate reality:
  • “Fellow members of the Dead, what should we call our big summer festival? How about magnaball?”
  • …
  • “The fuck does that mean?”
  • “Speak English.”
  • “Kiss my magnaballs.”
  • “How about a name that sounds like a grown-up came up with it?”
  • “I got an idea: instead of playing in a field, why don’t we just play football stadiums and stay in the Ritz?”
  • And so on.

The Stacks

Follow Us

Google Verification

Follow Us

Follow me on Twitter

© 2026 Thoughts On The Dead

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑