• Another bloated white guy who’s semi-cool with ethnics but also thinks doctors are for rich people.
  • Threadbare Teddy Ruxpin doll pre-loaded with stories about Tip O’Neil.
  • A yoga teacher from Toluca Lakes named Carol who queefs uncontrollably.
  • $240 worth of pudding.
  • Joe and Mika’s pool boy, Flexible Hector.
  • Katy Tur.
  • Either of the two surviving Fat Boys.
  • Duffel bag full of furious raccoons.
  • The Ghost of Peter Jennings, and every night he reports live from the Berlin Wall while wearing a bitchin’ trenchcoat, and the guy in the studio is all How the fuck are you at the Berlin Wall? It came down in ’91 and Peter’s like Dude, I’m a ghost and the guy’s all Right, sure. Hey, Pete: trench looks awesome and Peter Jennings goes Oh, yeah; I can wear the fuck out of a trenchcoat. Now shut up so we can hear David Hasselhoff sing.
  • Speaking of the Hoff: Let KITT do it; during sweeps week, he can jump over shit.
  • Six or seven pairs of feet personally selected, and then masturbated on, by Quentin Tarantino.
  • A qualified, intelligent, and entertaining woman of colHAHAHAHAHAHAHAit’s gonna be a white guy.