Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
“Rando War?”
NO! NOT HAPPENING!
“You lost control of this bullshit years ago, Ass.”
Regardless: don’t do this.
“Mickey’s already at the mall kidnapping people.”
Well, that won’t work.
“Course not. Once you kidnap a rando, it’s not a rando.”
That’s a hostage.
“We think alike sometimes.”
Never say that again.
“Meyers thinks he’s got randos?”
Oh, no. I will not have a Rando War.
“I have not yet begun to rando.”
Please don’t do this.
“MEYERS, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD, I READ YOUR INSTAGRAM!”
Bobby, stop yelling. You’re scaring the rich people.
“I know lots of randos. I have the best randos.”
…
Really?
“Well, you know: Joshy Come Lately.”
You hired him.
“He didn’t act like this at the interview.”
There was an interview?
“Oh, sure. Asked him a ton of questions.”
Like?
“Asked him where he saw himself in five years.”
What’d he say?
“Soloing.”
Good answer.
“Only right one, really.”
Yeah, but now you’ve gotta live with him. Please don’t start a Rando War. Billy will just wander out into the lot and do his Pied Piper routine.”
“Ball’s in his court.”
…
How those vest buttons doing, buddy?
“Okee doke, I’m gonna mingle.”
Good idea.
Hey, John Mayer. Whatcha doing?
“Oh, I’m worthy of a ‘Whatcha doing?’ now?’ You’re coming around on me.”
I’ve grown accustomed to the situation.
“Six of one.”
Got yourself a rando?
“Dude, you know that I was, like, famous as shit long before I even heard of the Dead, right? I’ve had more randos than a Japanese Star Wars cosplay convention.”
Nice one.
“Had it in my pocket.”
Still.
“I’m used to randos.”
…
“Okay, there’s a shit-ton more lately.”
Like moths to a flame, so is the rando to a Grateful Dead.
“They’re everywhere. Don’t get me wrong: they’re all pretty chill. But you can’t turn around.”
Occupational hazard.
“I keep finding them in the Earthroamer.”
That might be Soup.
“Dude, if it were Soup, I would have said I found Soup in the Earthroamer. I know Soup, man.”
Have you found Soup in the Earthroamer?
“Multiple times.”
Yeah.
“I don’t even know how he’s doing it. Guy’s the opposite of an escape artist.”
I think of him more as a vehicular hermit crab.
“Bobby’s thinking about putting a sniper on the roof of his tour bus.”
He should call Phil and have him send out a busboy.
“What?”
Storyline you weren’t part of.
“Gotcha.”
When’s your app coming out?
“What?”
Nothing.
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