Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To

Tag: stave parish

Bill Schwarzemann

Billy?

“Thoughts on my Ass!”

Any explanation?

“Well, you know how Phil’s black now?”

He’s not. You’re talking about a man named Oteil Burbridge.

“Yeah! That’s what Phi keeps saying his name is!”

When I heard this joke the first time, the name was Rappaport.

“So I decided to try and understand the plight of his people. I’m a soul brother now.”

How?

“Don’t worry about it.”

Okay.

“I’m about to lose my voice, I’m saying the n-word so much.”

Stop that.

“I’m allowed! It’s great!”

You’re not black, Billy.

“Tell my dick that.”

STOP THAT. Get out of Jaimoe’s body.

“It’s nice in here. Look at all these muscles and hair. I’m staying.”

You’re gonna stay black?

“Definitely.”

You do know you have to walk offstage and back into America at some point, right?

“Not a bad point.”

Sadly.

“I’m gonna bang some white chicks behind the amps before I quit, though.”

Of course.

We'll Build Ourselves Another Town

wos build bw

1974 was a good year for long-forgotten member of the road crew Precarious Lee. He had been promoted to Safetey Man (sic because Parish made up the title and is not a great speller,) and Playgirl magazine had reacted favorably to his test shots. Not so favorably, however, to his surprise visit to the offices with his dick out.

Win some, lose some, permanently cripple some, Precarious Lee always said. He also said “Look out!” and “Good enough for rock and roll,” and “I’ll introduce you to Phil if you slobber my johnson. Garcia if you look me in the eyes while you do it.”

As Safetey Man, his first job was slashing the budget. One of his ideas can be seen in the photo above: the complete and total elimination of any safety gear whatsoever. Precarious Lee has also taught the quippie on the bottom the Precarious method for lifting things: 100% back. Lock those knees and put all the weight on the lower back.