Tea! The stuff you drink at Chinese restaurants, or when your throat hurts, or if you’re some sort of intellectual sissypants! The British invaded literally the entire world because it! A beverage that tastes wonderful once you add five or six spoons of sugar! You know: tea!

Well, the Dead are selling it now. It’s not a $3,000 blanket, but it’s something. This winter, the Grateful Dead are proud to present you, the addlepated consumer who reflexively digs into your pocket like a trained monkey every time you see a fucking skeleton, with their new line of teas. You’re gonna love all the new flavors:

  • What an Oolong Strange Trip it’s Been.
  • Chai Time.
  • Dressed Myself in Green Tea.
  • The Bushels of Corn and the Chamomile.
  • John Perry Barley Tea.
  • If You Plant Iced Tea, You’re Gonna Harvest Wind.
  • Playing in the Dandelion Tea.
  • Orange Pekoe with a Stealie Slapped on the Bag.

All varieties come in limited-edition, specially-designed boxes that are simply dripping in Grateful Dead bullshit.