“My house! My house is on fire!”

“The Chinees did it.”

“The Chinese? What?”

“Not the Chinese. The Chinees. Bob and Ethel Chinee. You know: the Chinees. They live down the street in the house with all the security cameras and suspiciously few Uighurs.”

“What? I don’t care right now. The house is actively ablaze!”

“Some say it is. And others say that putting it out might be worse than letting it burn. But the important thing is fixing blame, and that goes to the Chinees.”

“We can determine fault later! Right now, the primary task needs to be fire suppression.”

“We disagree here, friend. I believe that our number one priority needs to be pointing fingers.”

“None of that matters right now!”

“Are they paying you to shill for them?”

“Who?”

“Bob and Ethel.”

“Paying me? What the fuck is wrong with you? Just grab a hose, for Christ’s sake!”

“I’d like you to look at these graphs and charts regarding the Chinee’s internet usage in the past few weeks. I think you’ll find them illuminating.”

“The fire is illuminating! It’s lighting up the fucking neighborhood! Let’s get the immediate danger dealt with, and then we can determine what started it all.”

…

“Nah. I’m gonna talk shit.”

“Thought so.”