GAVEL NOISE!
GAVEL NOISE!
“Everyone settle down! Settle down! We are going to have this meeting come to order right now, or I’m going to have the sheriffs clear the room, and no one wants that. Well, maybe the sheriffs want that. Those guys are a little edgy lately. So, here’s how it’s gonna work. We will open the floor for public comments. If you want to speak, form an orderly line along the left wall of the room. We will hear all who wish to be heard, but only for one minute. Everybody gets 60 seconds. Unless you start cursing. If you start cursing, I’m gonna cut you off.”
CLEARLY INSANE WOMAN IN FLIP-FLOPS RAISING HER HAND NOISE
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Does the N-word count as a curse?”
“Wha?”
“Does the–”
“Yeah, yeah, I heard you. I was just struck dumb by the question’s very existence. But, uh: yes. Yes, the N-word counts as a curse.”
“I believe your taxonomy is both incorrect, and Cultural Marxism.”
“Uh-huh. Okay, how about I amend my statement? If you curse OR use racial slurs, then I’ll cut you off.”
“What about really obscure racial slurs?”
“Also not gonna work for me.”
“What about using the correct word, but pronouncing it in a derogatory fashion? Like ‘Ay-rab?'”
“No.
“Or ‘Eye-talian.'”
“It’s an across-the-board no, ma’am.”
“I’d like to revisit your proscription on cussing, and ascertain the parameters. Are gestures included? For example…”
CLEARLY INSANE WOMAN IN FLIP-FLOPS MAKING THE JERK-OFF GESTURE NOISE
“Stop that! Just stop it. I’ve answered your questions and now we’re going to hear from the citizens of Palm Beach County, where–I would like to remind everyone present–the infection rate of the coronavirus and the death toll from Covid-19 have skyrocketed in the last few weeks. Let’s keep that in mind. Let’s remember that we’re talking about people’s lives and health here. Okay, let’s begin the public comments. Sir?”
“Thank you, Commissioner Hitler.”
“My name is Weinroth. So…that’s just so offensive.”
“Well, excuse me for exercising my First Amendment rights and pointing out that you are a Nazi and a communist and an anarchist.”
“Can’t be all three. Mutually exclusive philosophies.”
“You and the rest of the pedophiles on the Commission cannot steal my freedom! My freedom is mine! It won’t work for you! It’s like Judge Dredd’s gun! My freedom is keyed to my DNA, and if you try to use it, it’ll blow off your hand!”
“Thank you, sir. Anything else?”
“I would like to continue talking about Judge Dredd!”
“We don’t have time for that. Please step away from the podium. Next speaker, please. Ma’am?”
“I am placing all of you under sovereign citizen’s arrest.”
“Is that like a citizen’s arrest?”
“Yes, but with more nautical terms.”
“Okay, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I could pull up around a dozen YouTube videos that would explain why I have the authority to throw you in the brig.”
“You don’t have a brig.”
“I have several, sir. I have several brigs. Don’t you dare accuse me of not having brigs.”
“That’s enough. Your time is up. Step away from the podium. Next, please. Ma’am?”
“N—-r.”
“I SPECIFICALLY mentioned that word as one you couldn’t say!”
“I do what I want. SALT LIFE!”
“Enough! Get her out of here!”
SHERIFF DRAGGING A DAUGHTER OF FLORIDA FROM THE ROOM NOISE
“Last warning! I will end this hearing if everyone can’t stop being crazy and racist and crazily racist. Can’t we act like a normal state just for once? Just one time, let’s not be the state all the other states laugh at. I’m begging here. Okay, who’s up next? Sir?”
“I would like to take my time to accuse the County Commissioners of various crimes, including regicide, brigandry, and sticking their fingers in cats’ assholes.”
“That will not be allowed.”
“You can’t silence me, sir. I’m not a cat’s asshole.”
“Stop it.”
“I would also like to accuse all of you of being robot duplicates of yourselves, possibly created by Jewish scientists.”
“Sir–”
“Probably. I mean, making robot duplicates is pretty high-level work. You’re gonna want Jews for that.”
“Sir–”
“Brainy folks. Evil, but brainy. I’m still talking about the Jews.”
GAVEL NOISE!
“Get away from the microphone! Get! Okay, my patience is getting real thin. Any more stupidity and I’m closing the session. Does anyone have anything sane to add? Ma’am?”
“I tried wearing a mask last week, and I distinctly heard it conspiring with my lips to murder me in my sleep.”
GAVEL NOISE!
“We’re done.”
Oh, you needed to end that with the link that says “Not that far from what really happened”. I mean, I live in MO, but you all in FL are NUTS.
This sums it up well – https://mobile.twitter.com/LawJSharma/status/1275990086262198272
i’ve just seen the live footage of the women pictured here. i’m at a loss. truly at a loss. i’ve got nothing.