Hey, Phil. Whatcha doing?
“What does it look I’m doing, cockbreath?”
Posing with Alligator.
“I’m amazed you got it on the first try. Tell me something honestly: How old were you when you were fully toilet-trained? 15, 16?”
I was the normal age.
“Horseshit. You were a pants-pooping little son of a bitch. I can read your aura. It’s brown.”
This aggression is completely unnecessary.
“Will you stop bothering me, and including me in your dumb scenarios?”
No.
“Then the aggression shall continue unabated.”
Okay. Are you putting any precautions into place at TXR regarding the coronavirus?
“Hell, yeah. A busboy sneezed yesterday, so we had to handle that.”
How did you handle it?
“I handed Jill the gun and left the room.”
Anything else?
“No more rare burgers. Everything’s well-done.”
I don’t know if that will help. What else?
“Ross James has been shaved.”
You made Ross James shave his beard?
“Ross James has been shaved.”
I’ll leave it alone.
“For the best.”
So I googled “Phil Lesh Alligator” and found this show by Phil & Friends from 2/17/2020 where they recreate Phil’s birthday show from 3/15/1969: https://www.jambase.com/article/phil-lesh-friends-grateful-dead-1969-terrapin-setlist-video
I’m enjoying the show a lot, but I think this band is a bit more polished than the Dead were in 1969.
Next time one of those “tell a complete horror story in 5 words or less” contests pops up, I don’t see anybody beating “Ross James has been shaved.”
you could give it a little git-twang, phil
https://www.thunderroadguitars.com/1981-ibanez-mc-150-wolf/