What are you doing?

“Sitting quietly. Trying not to make any facial expressions.”

Why not?

“Emotions cause wrinkles.”

True. I like your big-boy suit.

“This is a Tom Ford.”

You borrowed your suit?

“No. He’s the designer. Very expensive.”

Bitchin’. Hey, lemme ask you a question.

“Okay.”

Shouldn’t Captain America be at least Major America by now? He’s been a captain for 75 years.

“I think it’s more of a code name than an actual rank.”

Maybe.

“Could be worse. He could get busted down and become Lieutenant America.”

Oh, that’s awful.

“And virtually impossible to spell. Plus, everyone would call him ‘Loo.’ Like they call him ‘Cap’ now?”

Ugh.

“Why can’t we just get along like this all the time? I mean, if you’re not going to simply leave me alone, which is my first choice.”

Y’know, you’re right. We should be nicer to each other.

“I’m perfectly decent to you. You’re the dick in this relationship. Don’t ‘Both Sides’ this shit here.”

Takes two to tangle.

“Tango.”

CELL PHONE NOISE

Don’t correct me.

“I despise you.”

Yeah, yeah.

…

“This is John Mayer. I’m wearing a suit.”

“Guess who coming to Florida, Little Potato?”

“Shit.”

“Kim Jong-Un all ready for fun in sun.”

“You’re not coming to Florida.”

“I do whole state. Disney, Key West, Art Basel.”

“You are not going to Art Basel.”

“Father invent Art Basel.”

“Dude, this is not going to happen and you know it. Dumbass didn’t really invite you to Florida.”

“Hear him say. Kim Jong-Un trust Dotard. Man of word.”

“We’re talking about Donald Trump, right?”

“Honorable. Clearly intelligent. Truly my equal.”

“You’re just seeing how far you can push this trolling, aren’t you?”

“Is for the lulz.”

“Got it. You’re not planning on dismantling any of your nuclear program, are you?”

“No! Kim Jong-Un dismantle!”

“Oh. Okay.”

“And then when Round-Eyes leave room, Kim Jong-Un put back together.”

“There it is.”

“I mantle.”

“That’s not how that word works.”

“Let’s hear you speak Only Korean.”

“Touche.”

“You come down. We go to EPCOT. Start fights with Japanese tourists.”

“Pass.”

“I kidnap.”

DIAL TONE NOISE EVEN THOUGH PHONES NO LONGER DO THAT

“Is he gonna kidnap me again?”

Probably.

“Fuck you.”

Yeah, yeah.