Appetite For Legislation

“Dude.”

Hey, Slash.

“I need to leave here. You know I got a family, right?”

They won’t know you’re missing. Time works differently for them than for you.

“What now?”

Well, you’re kinda…next…to time.

“That doesn’t make sense.”

Everything happens at once, but causality also rules.

“Those two states of being are mutually exclusive.”

Or complementary. Imagine a stripper rotating around a pole, except she’s not moving; the whole of reality is. And she’s got big cans.

“I can imagine the last part.”

I like to call her a Möbius stripper.

“That may be too clever by half, man.”

I didn’t have full confidence in it. But, anyway: don’t worry about your family or any appointments you might have. A week in here is like an hour out there. Or a year.

“In here or out there?”

Either.

“I’m beginning to resent you.”

Good instinct.

CELL PHONE NOISE

“Is it Kim Jung-Un?”

If I say “no,” would you believe me?

“No.”

Then I’ll remain silent.

…

“Slash here.”

“Slasher! Guess who join band?”

“You can’t be in Guns N’ Roses.”

“I new Izzy.”

“You are not the new Izzy.”

“Fine. I new Gilby.”

“You’re not even Gilby, man.”

“Got axe. I shred. Wear leather pant. Many bracelet.”

“No.”

“Do all the Rock Moves. I windmill. Play behind back. Say ‘Hello, Cleveland.’ All the moves.”

“Hanging up.”

CELL PHONE NOISE

…

“Please let me go home.”

No. You made an album I enjoy 35 years ago, so now I’ve trapped you in a slightly comic hell. That’s how it works.

“No, it’s not.”

Trust me, Slasher.