Why do you keep stealing children?
“Hey, Thoughts on my Ass! Look! I got tykes.”
Where did they come from?
“Vaginas.”
Not what I meant.
“And balls. Kids are stored in the balls before they get scooched out the wowzer. This is basic stuff, man. Your dad should’ve had this conversation with you.”
I know where babies come from, Billy. I meant these specific children.
“They’re my grandkids.”
Oh, that’s sweet. How many grandchildren do you have?
“At least two.”
Sure. What are their names?
“Buddy and Sweetheart.”
No, that’s what you call them. What are their actual names?
“I got no idea. Remembering names is a mother’s job. I’m a grandpa: I pull quarters out of ears and eat gross shit in front of ’em. Good kids, though.”
All kids are good kids.
“Nah. Kids are just little people. Some of ’em are complete assholes. But these ones are all right”
Is your grandson playing with Bobby?
“Yeah. Weir’s yelled at him twice to slow the fuck down.”
The circle of life continues.
“Kids are stored in the balls before they get scooched out the wowzer.”
I mean- you must laugh at your own stuff sometimes, right? Cuz that right there? How can you not