JAI-ALAI
“It’s Basque, eh? They’re kinda like the Quebecois of Spain. Real feisty. And so what y’got is basically squash mixed with murder. Instead of a racquet, the players wear these baskets on their hands. They’re called cestas, which just means ‘basket,’ and they whip this ball against the wall at maybe 300 kilometers per hour. And there’s wagering. The wagering is a big, big part of it. No fights, though. Not like hockey. You’ll never see two jai alai-ers drop the cestas and go at it, partially because the cestas are tied securely to their arms. Back when Mulroney was PM, he tried to build a series of frontons across the nation, but the Albertans weren’t having it.”
BUZKASHI
“I’m not gonna lie to you: I am not totally familiar with this one. It’s like polo, I guess, but instead of a ball, there’s a dead goat. I don’t know if the goat starts off dead, but it definitely does not survive until halftime. Not a sport you can play in most countries nowadays. I think Mickey’s a fan.”
YAK RACING
“Lotta fun! Gotta get a yak, though, and that’s tough in quarantine. Actually, you need two yaks. Otherwise, you got no race. You need at least two yaks.”
SEPAK TAKRAW
“Oh, I saw this one on Take a Gander at These Athletic Hosers, which is the Canadian version of Wide World of Sports. It’s volleyball, but you use your feet. Requires a super-flexible groin, but you don’t have to get a yak.”
QUIDDITCH
“This isn’t a real sport. No offense to the folks who love those books, but it’s just a bunch of nerds stumbling around with brooms in between their legs. It’s nice that they’re outside for once, but I’m not gonna call this a sport. It’s barely an activity.”
COMPETITIVE ASS-EATING
“That’s not real. Stop that. Keep it clean, eh?”
EUROPEAN HANDBALL
“I appreciate that they put ‘European’ right in the name. They tell you upfront that you’re gonna be dealing with some goofy foreign nonsense. It’s like they threw indoor soccer and basketball and lacrosse in a blender. Or maybe it’s like water polo on land. I do know that Romanians are great at it, whatever that’s worth.”
Weird/ how’s this for coincidence, I’m reading your post and the I think I should put some music on, I hit shuffle on my 74 hour dead Spotify playlist and what comes up, china doll from 30 days of the dead 2015 from the jai alai fronton! Then I watch the video to find out the same show is going to be dp34.
And there’s always petanque, which can be played with a drink in one hand and balls in the other.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P%C3%A9tanque