- Whores and cutthroats were not drafted into nursing duties.
- In fact, there were neither whores nor cutthroats in the room at all.
- Examination took place in a doctor’s office in a medical building rather than a saloon.
- At no point was anyone called a cocksucker.
- Physician had not been broken by events he witnessed in the Civil War.
- Physician was not a “he” at all.
- Doctor neither came to my residence, nor was I dragged via sled through the quagmire of shit that is the thoroughfare.
- Not one lofty and well-written speech about the inevitability of death and the inviolability of the human spirit.
- I was never in danger of being taken to the woods and left to die. (I hope.)
- Thanks to Obamacare, I had a $1 co-pay for my visit, whereas Obamacare was not possible in Deadwood for so, so, so, so many reasons.
- Received prescription for a topical ointment and an antibiotic, rather than a slug of dope forced down my throat.
- Magazines in the waiting room were in color.
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Nobody 12-pointed Slippery Dan.