Buy a guitar! Sure, it’s not the model Garcia used (briefly), just the entry-level variant with a Wolf sticker slapped on, but you could play Louie, Louie on it, and that’s what matters in a guitar.

Look at some art! When was the last time you bettered yourself, you baboon? Go look at art, and do it right: stand in front of your computer with your arms crossed, nod at the image a couple times, move on, thank the docent, buy a panini for $8.

Read the great Jesse Jarnow! He’s writing about Bill Graham, too. Jesse’s stuff is great even when it’s about shit I don’t care about, or actively despise, so when he writes about a guy I love it’s just gnarly.

Spend $350 on a box of chocolate some asshole slapped a Stealie on! Remember when that other asshole slapped a Stealie on a blanket and charged three grand? This is worse. Why? Well, first of all: a blanket is inherently more valuable than a small supply of snacks. Well-made blanket will keep you warm for decades; chocolate gets et up right quick.

Also, the asshole selling the blanket didn’t do this:

He just draped the blanket on a hottie and called it a day, which is a more honest form of marketing.