“SOMEONE DONE GAVE ME A YOUNG BOY.”
Oh, not two days in a row.
“AH HAVE ALREADY BEGUN TO RAISE HIM IN THE TRADITIONAL PRESLEY FASHION.”
Which is?
“AH PULLED HIM OUTTA SCHOOL AND BOUGHT HIM PROSTITUTES OF VARYING ETHNICITIES.”
That’s not how you raise a kid.
“HOW ELSE WILL HE KNOW HOW TO MAKE LOVE TO A CHICANA?”
That kid shouldn’t be making love to anything or anyone. He should be asking Santa for a Red Ryder BB gun.
“BB GUN? HELL, NAW. GOT HIM AN UZI.”
Please stop buying weapons and whores for children, Elvis.
“AH NEED A MALE HEIR. SOMEONE MUST CONTINUE MAH NAME, AND ALL OF MAH PHILANTHROPIC EFFORTS.”
What philanthropic efforts?
“EMPLOYING CHARLIE HODGE.”
Sure.
“NOT A LOTTA PEOPLE C’N AFFORD A FULL-TIME SCARF-AND-WATER MAN.”
Elvis?
“YEAH?”
King?
“UH-HUH?”
That kid looks fucking terrified.
“WHA?”
…
“OH, NO! YOU RIGHT, BOY! AH MUST HAVE GIVEN HIM MAH HEEBIE-JEEBIES!”
Not a thing.
“SOMEONE CALL DR. NICK.”
NO! Do NOT call Dr. Nick.
“DR. NICK IS A LICENSED PEDIATRICIAN.”
He is not. Not at all.
“DRIVER’S LICENSE COUNTS.”
Elvis, we need to take a break.
“YOU’LL BE BACK.”
I know.
is that the real Forrest Gump when he met Elvis?
“Gottle a geer, gottle a geer!”