In My Head

In the spirit of my recent diatribes about cassettes and their various players, and in honor of my brand-new Sony MDR-7506‘s, I was going to do a similar post about the history of headphones; I got maybe halfway through Googling it when I stopped caring and decided I couldn’t inflict that on you. There are certainly some who care an inordinate deal about headphones, but I have not even a surface curiosity. There’s the ones you put in your ear, and the big ones that sound good, and the shitty little ones you get on the plane.

But: someone mentioned that they were in the market for a new pair of headphones, so in the spirit of public interest, I will present my initial thoughts in the semi-popular FAQ format.

Am I back in the band?

No. This is a guest spot.

Aw.

Get on with it.

You suck. Fine: How is the Sony MDR-7506?

“Are.” How are the–

Please don’t correct my grammar. I was referring to the pair of headphones.

Not with that wording you weren’t, mister.

It is one object.

You have a pair of ears.

Is.

Are.

Is!

Are!

Duck season!

Rabbit season!

CHRIST ON THE HIGHWAY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO FUCKWITS?

He started it.

I probably did, yeah.

Just try to help people.

I was trying.

Cuz you’re a try-hard.

…

What features does the Sony–

“DO!” FUCKING “DO!”

FUCK YOU, IT’S “DOES!”

We’re done.

But–

No.

Can I–

Shut the fuck up. You’ve failed. This is a failure. Add it to the list.