Law Come To Get You If You Don’t Act Right

“He had no criminal record … he was a good kid,” Martin County Sheriff William Snyder told reporters Tuesday, adding that Harrouff had no apparent relationship to his victims and that the attack seemed to be “completely random.”- “Florida College Student Kills Couple, Eats Victim’s Face, Officials Say” Buzzfeed, 8/17/16

“Good morning. My name is William Snyder, and I’m the Sheriff here in Martin County. I’d like to thank the press for coming, and I hope we can clear the air about some inaccuracies that have been levied towards me, and my comments from the other day.

“Obviously, when I said he was a good kid, I meant except for the face-eating. I won’t sugarcoat it: that young man messed up. Big time. This is the kind of thing that employers just don’t like to see, even if it was only once.

“This is a tragedy. For the dead couple, yes, but also for Mr. Harouff’s parents, Bob and Marsha, who did not raise him to eat any part of people, let alone their faces. A fraternity has lost a brother. A college has lost a scholar. Several young women have lost their future date rapist. Just going by gut instinct on that last one.

“Again, I have to emphasize what a fine young man Mr. Harouff was right up until that very second he sunk his teeth into two strangers’ faces in a Florida garage for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Throughout high school, he tutored the younger students in math; he was kind to animals; he was polite on social media. If you were to pick a day from his life at random, then statistically it will not be a day when he ate anyone.

“Our investigation continues, and any further inquiries should be directed to our office’s spokesperson, Officer Jenkins. Thank you.

…

“Why didn’t we shoot him? He was white, and we’re in Florida. No more questions.”