Hey, Pope. Whatcha doing?
“I’m-a plugging da book.”
The Bibbia? Never heard of it.
“That’s-a because you no-a educated. Is-a “Bible” in Latin.”
You speak Latin?
“Of-a course! I’m-a from-a Latin America.”
Hey now.
“Pope-a made-a da joke.”
So, the Bible must be your favorite book, right?
“Oh, sure, sure. Love-a da Bible.”
What’s your second-favorite book?
“Lena Dunham’s-a memoirs. She writes-a from-a da heart.”
A surprising choice.
“Hey: I’m-a da cool Pope.”
Okay, but going back to the Bible–
“Love-a da Bible.”
–what’s the best part?
“It’s-a all good. You got-a da action, you got-a da Jesus, you got-a da romance. It’s a like-a da Bollywood movie.”
Sure.
“Something for-a da everybody. You know who love-a da Bible? Da bambinos. Kids love-a da Bible.”
Do they?
“Once-a you tell ’em about-a da hell, they do.”
That sounds right.
“Kids don’t-a wanna go to-a da hell.”
No one does. You should stop telling people about it.
“Hell’s in-a da Bible. Gotta tell-a da people about-a da Bible.”
Is it actually in the Bible? I thought hell was one of those things that we all think is in the Bible, but isn’t.
“You-a gonna challenge da Pope on-a da Bible trivia?”
No, guess not.
“Don’t-a make-a me get infallible on you. I get-a infallible and-a what I say goes.”
How does that work, anyway? Is there a hat?
“You-a call it. Like-a da shotgun. Before-a you say something, you-a say ‘I’m-a infallible,’ and-a there you go. There’s-a also a hat.”
Magic hat?
“Not-a magic. Holy.”
Right. Those things are different. I forget sometimes.
“Big-a difference. One’s-a just made up.”
Right. Pope?
“Yes-a, my son”
You ever think about growing a mustache?
“All-a da time.”
One time in like 3rd grade I went home crying from Sunday school because the teacher looked me straight in the face and told me that there was no way I could avoid going to Hell because (as I had confessed out loud earlier) I had said some swear words. I mean, this bitch looked me SQUARE in the face and said, “M’hmm. I’m really sorry. I just don’t know what to tell you. If you sin, that’s it. You’re going to Hell.”
I was SO mad. VISIBLY mad. And scared. Do you know how bad that can fuck up an already extremely anxious kid with a wildly active imagination?
I didn’t sin for weeks.
Sigh I hate Catholicism. I can’t wait to get excommunicated.
OOOH, fancy!!!
fancy
fancy
There should be a period after that sigh.
In which Maggie forgets that this isn’t Twitter
Did you tag words with HTML? Or is there a different trick to use for bold and italic (or even bold italic)?
Maggie is going to hell and all you want to know is how to italicize and bold.
lake of fire for you