“Psst.”
Oh, I have no interest in talking to you.
“Not him. Me.”
…
Jesus Christ.
“I contain his story! He doesn’t have nearly as much dialogue as people assume.”
I don’t wanna talk to you, either, The Bible.
“Call me Gideon.”
Under no circumstance.
“Just answer a few questions. Nothing tough.”
Oh, fine.
“Great. Am I in a Days Inn in Revere, Massachusetts?”
No.
“Well, fuck. I’ve been stolen.”
The White House is using a stolen hotel Bible?
“Apparently. I mean, I forgive them, but it’s still kinda messed up.”
It’s the least messed-up thing I’ve heard today.
“Shit’s going down, hombre!”
Thank you, The Bible. We’re aware.
“Maybe I can be of service.”
I don’t think reading The Bible will help right now.
“Not reading. Use my pages to roll up joints. They’re like rolling papers without the licky glue.”
That might do it.
“Ow!”
What?
“I’M BURNING!”
That’s backwards. It’s supposed to be that the demon gets burned when he–
“I KNOW HOW IT’S SUPPOSED TO WORK, FUCKHEAD! BUT THE REVERSE CARD GOT THROWN! IT BUUUUUUUUUURNS!”
This is getting weird.
He looks so forlorn after today’s completely empty action. Even Mike Pence didn’t show up for a chance to play Christian. Bill Barr looked like an obedient pet dog. Individual #1 just wants to be Aryan Jesus. It’s pathetic even I could be a better President.
Did the Bible just refer to you as Hombre?
That is some fucked up shit, Muchacho
As the sun rises, the sun also sets.
or something like that,
Is it a time for everything under the sun?
Or have things become more like a Raisin in the Sun, torn between drying up, and exploding.