I’m gonna need everyone who isn’t Bobby or Oteil to take his hand off his dick. Thank you.

OR

“Laurel!”

“Yanny!”

“Laurel!”

“Yanny!”

“BOTH OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!”

OR

When did the Dead become Metallica? Are we doing the all-black thing now? I’m fine with it, but Josh wont be if he ever shows up for rehearsal.

OR

Seriously, Jeff, let go of your dong.