I almost forgot about the worst part. It wasn’t anything that occurred in Scruffy: A Gooba Dooba or whatever the fuck that Star Wars bullshit I’ve already half-forgotten; it was during the trailers. Look at this bullshit.

LOOK AT IT, GODDAMN YOU.

Not the guy with the eyes trying to escape from their sockets and the dental prosthesis. And not “Brian,” who actually looks pretty good. Nor should you be looking at Roger, even though he didn’t own that shirt in 1975.

See it?

Got it yet?

WHY THE FUCK IS JOHN DEACON SINGING IN THE STUDIO? John Deacon didn’t sing. They set a mic up onstage so he could pretend to sing because John Deacon has an ego like the rest of us, but Deacy NEVER sang in the studio.

This is why Philip Roth is dead. This shit right here. Kiss my sweaty dick, Queen movie.