And the shitty stuff, too. Final poisoning, Enthusiasts.
Thoughts On The Dead
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Page 12 of 1031
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton or Mitt Romney. (Whoever calls back first gets it.)
Secretary of Defense Predator drone with a rainbow flag painted on it.
Attorney General Barr can keep the job. Biden’s known him for 30 years, and thinks he’s a “good egg.”
Secretary of Treasury George Soros.
Secretaries of Agriculture, Interior, Labor, Health & Human Services Ethnics who worked for Raytheon.
Secretary of Transportation Why, Joe’s bitchin’ ’67 Corvette, of course! Who else could it be?
Secretary of Commerce Jeff Bezos. Who knows more about commerce than that guy, right?
Secretary of Education Lesbian with a whistle who thinks America needs to take a lap or two.
Secretary of Energy Emanuel brother to be named later.
Secretary of Housing & Urban Development If he survives the ronus, Ben Carson. If not, Condoleeza Rice.
Secretary of Homeland Security Major and Champ. Just try pulling anything hincky around those two!
Surgeon General Whoever Pfizer sends over.
Director of National Intelligence Ronald Dumsfeld, who is definitely not Donald Rumsfeld in a fake mustache.
“Anythin’ work right when you’re at?”
Less and less by the day.
“Shouldn’t take no week t’ find out who the President is! Y’vote in th’ mornin’, and Walter Cronkite tells ya who won durin’ Prime Time. That’s how it goes! It’s in the Constitution!”
Is it?
“Maybe the Bible. Rules are rules, that’s the ol’ Pig’s point.”
It’s a good point.
“I’ve been known t’ hit upon the odd universal truth!”
True.
“Well, no matter how messy it was, y’got the desirable outcome.”
Were you supporting Joe Biden?
“Hell, no! Y’can’t support politicians, it only encourages ’em! Though I might make an exception f’r the Vice Fox!”
Please don’t call Kamala Harris “the Vice Fox.”
“Vice Fox-Elect!”
Not better.
“Don’t be policin’ the ol’ Pig’s phraseologies!”
Sorry. Any more political thoughts?
“Black Panthers got a real good plan.”
Keep the faith, Pig.
“Easier said than done! But it’s doable.”
Get crazy with the cheez wiz.
…but smile, smile, smile.
Wave it wide and high.
Upon a close listen, it makes sense that 11/30/80 from the Fabulous Fox Theatre in Atlanta inspired a cult. I would absolutely sign my life savings over to the sizzling-hot Stranger opener; I would move to Guyana for the Scarlet>Fire; I would buy Nikes, and slice off my nads, for the rare double-Berry closer. 11/30/80 overflows with truth, light, marathon lectures on sexual hygiene; O, it is True North in a world of broken compasses. MORE WIVES FOR 11/30/80!
Dude.
Yuh-huh?
Incoherent.
No.
Go back and read what you wrote.
…
That’s just gibberish.
Well spotted. The English language is slightly beyond your reach right now. Why don’t we share this collection of pieces from the New Yorker by FoTotD Nick Paumgarten?
That guy’s good.
And he’s seen Jeffrey Toobin’s schlong.
That guy’s great!
Now post a Dead-related picture and say good night.
What kind of picture?
Doesn’t matter.
Pick a theme.
…
Inexplicable.
Gotcha, fam.
That’s inexplicable as fuck. Well done.
I still got some heat in the fastball.
…she’s makin’ it worse.
Aw, man. You were doing so well.
No, I wasn’t.
Yeah, okay. Leg again?
Fucker’s not a team player.
Did you at least try an alternative?
You think I should’ve asked for vicodin instead of percs?
No. Like hot baths or meditation or exercise or OTC analgesics.
Ahhh. That worked yesterday. Today, it feels like someone is peeling my femur like a banana. Advil won’t do it.
Well, at least follow the dosing instructions.
I am. “Take 1 handful every six hours.”
That’s not what it says.
Beg to differ.
Goddamned dope fiend.
Nah. I’m a warrior on a journey of healing. Gonna keep on keeping on, muchacho. Ain’t nothin’–
Please don’t.
–gonna break-a my stride. Ain’t nothin’ gonna slow me down.
Oh, no?
Oh, no! I gotta keep on etc., etc.
At least post the original Bo Diddley version of the tune. Provide some value to the Enthusiasts.
Done.
PENNSYLVANIA Not for Biden. I am prepared to call Pennsylvania a feculent hinterland tented by two “cities” that make Bellona look like Omelas. Nice of them to vote for the non-psychopath (barely), but I was born and raised in Jersey, and so I’ll shank Bruce Springsteen before I say anything positive about Pennsylvania. Man’s gotta have principles.
ME On the line. I will call me, call me any time.
NEVADA I am calling Nevada Nuh-VAAAAAAAAAH-duh and I don’t give a shit what those half-irradiated desert trashbags think.
BOBBY And be like, “Dude, I think that Rocky Horror cover put us over the top,” and Bobby will say, “How did you get my number?” and I’ll answer, “We’ve both known it would end this way,” and Bobby will be all, “Are you in my house right now?” and I’ll be like, “Lol yeah.”
A LADY BIRD TO COME WATCH ME DO MY FUCK DANCE Wait, what?
THAT’S MY FUCK DANCE Who told you that you could insert GIFs?
I’LL INSERT MY COCK IN YOUR EAR This is why you were denied tenure.
THAT WAS ALL POLITICS It wasn’t. You’re a dick and everyone hates you.
The future’s shining like the bell of a saxophone.
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