Quarantine Schedule

8:00 – 10:00 AM

• Argue with my blankets about whether or not I’m awake.
• Lose argument.

10:00 AM – 1:00 PM

• Boof some coffee.
• Rip some tubes.
• Crank one or two out.
• Yell at Twitter.
• Try not to throw on Tom Waits, cuz one day soon I’m gonna start the day with Tom Waits, and when you start the day with Tom Waits, it’s all fucking over.

1:00 – 2:00 PM

• Pacin’ time!

2:00 – 5:00 PM

• So sleepy,

5:00 – 8:00 PM

• I wait for the night.
• Crouched in a corner like a ninja, I wait for the night.
• IS THAT IT?
• No, just some cloud cover.
• Just settle down, TotD.
• The night will arrive.
• And when it does, you will boof it.
• That’s right, dipshits.
• I boof the night.
• Sometimes I get on my hands and knees and reach on back, and other times I go baby-style with my chubby legs in the air.
• But I’m a rockyrolling man, and I boof the night every night.

Do I have to put a stop to this?

Did it get weird?

And unpleasant. It wasn’t weird in a nice way. Y’know how you’ll stumble on an art installation in the middle of nowhere and be all like, “Huh, that’s strange. But I enjoy it!” Well, this wasn’t that. 

I miss museums.

You never went to museums.

I could have!

Sure, sport.

8:00 – Midnight

• Maybe write?
• Maybe movies?
• Maybe crank another one out?
• Maybe combine all three and write about Crank starring Jason Statham, while interfering with myself.
• Who knows the future?

Midnight – 3:00 AM

• Switch to my racist Twitter handle–@notafanofethnics–and tweet out some truly heinous shit.
• Add some yeast to my starter batch of PCP.
• Get the PCP all over my hands.
• Freak out superhard.
• Hey, I got neighbors!
• BOOF MY NEIGHBORS..

You’re done. Stop this. You cannot be trusted with language.

I’ve weaponized the alphabet.

You’re a creature. You’re just a creature.