- What the fuck? (That’s the main question, I suppose; all subsequent questions are truly just sub-iterations of “What the fuck?”)
- Did you forget a word, or did the couch own Bobby?
- Is the couch sentient?
- And a slave-owner?
- Are you trying to sell a sentient, slave-owning couch on Ebay?
- Is this really how we’re using the internet?
- Assuming that you forgot the word”by,” is this really Bobby’s couch?
- Is there a provenance?
- You think I haven’t seen the ol’ “Rock Star used to own this couch” scam before?
- Think you’re dealing with fucking children here, buddy?
- If it is Bobby’s couch, was this the couch that Bobby’s wife, Natasha Monster, gave birth to their children on? (That ridiculous behemoth of a sofa actually is large enough to give birth on. You could even have twins.)
- Is there a possibility that some of Bobby’s change is still in the cushions?
- Has it been cleaned?
- Thoroughly?
- Waved a black light over the sucker?
- How much of Bobby’s DNA would you estimate is trapped within the fibers of this couch?
- Could we clone Bobby?
- Would Clone Bobby have a beard?
- Has this couch always been in this room?
- Did you really make this decorating choice?
- Was the choice between selling the couch or selling all the other furniture in the room?
- If it’s always been like this, why are you selling it now?
- Are you getting married and your wife is making you sell it? (This is the only conclusion I can come to.)
And finally:
- Excellent condition?
- Excellent condition?
- Really?
- Reeeeeeally?
- Excellent?
are you hopped about Superior Donuts?
Price dropped to $65!
We should crowdfund it and repatriate the couch back to Bobby.
“I thought I got rid of this thing.”
“Yeah, we bought it back for you.”
“I didn’t want it. That’s why I gave it away.”
“Too bad, Bob.”
Yeah, Bobby threw it out, and now this guy is selling it? Ha!
p.s. If only those cushions could talk – wo-o-o – hoo!
That couch is bigger than a drive in movie oh my.
Perfect for a women bout twice my height
statuesque, raven……..