CELL PHONE NOISE
CELL PHONE NOISE
“John Mayer, international poontang slayer.”
“Please hold for Taylor Swift.”
“What?”
“John, things are fucked up.”
“Why are you calling me?”
“Because people are treating me the way they treat you, John. Help me or I will destroy you.”
“Taylor.”
“I’ve grown so powerful in the years since we spoke.”
“Taylor.”
“I’ve received so many awards, and been so surprised at each one.”
…
“I’ve also dated.”
“You do enjoy dating.”
“And having friends.”
“You have the best friends.”
“John, I have a proposal: we get back together.”
“Taylor, we are never, ever getting back together.”
“I see what you did there.”
“Yeah. Anyway: no: we banged for two months and you wrote a song about what a sleaze I am.”
“I was a naive young girl, and you took advantage of that. You killed love, John.”
“Uh-huh. And the literally millions of dollars you made off the song and the attendant narrative casting me as the douchebag?”
…
“That was business, John.”
“Good-bye.”
DIAL TONE EVEN THOUGH PHONES DO NOT DO THAT ANYMORE
…
I wonder what kind of batteries Mayer’s watch uses. AAAAs, I’m guessing.
As for Swift: best pic I’ve seen of her.
Taylor’s behind the wheel, but obviously somebody else is driving.
friendly hint: get off the phone, Superstar.
…and stay off the phone.
you’re welcome.