I’m gonna tell you right now: if you pull that “disappearing without a trace because it’s drizzling” shit on me, I’ll have the North Korean army track you down.

“Only Korean.”

You know what I mean. Who are these people?

“Oh, let me introduce the room. This is–”

Wait. I just remembered that I don’t care.

“You’re rude.”

I’m not. Tell Princess Doofus that her haircut makes her look like a doofus.

“I won’t tell her that.”

C’mon. If you say it, she’ll like it.

“She won’t.”

“Psst.”

…

“Was that you?”

No.

“Psst.”

“It’s coming from a road case.”

Open it.

…

“Oh, shit. Um, everyone out. Nice hanging with you, but you gotta go. Let’s go.”

HIPSTERS SHUFFLING OUT NOISE

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Hide me, Josh Meyers. I cannot go back there.”

“I understand you not wanting to live with him–”

“Soggy Man. I call him Soggy Man.”

“–with the Soggy Man, but you can’t stay here.”

“Is last place they vould look.”

…

“Yeah, okay, you have a good point there, but still.”

“I vill tour vith Grateful Dead. Get head straight. Also, I vill collect $300 that Matt Busch owes me.”

“How do you know Matt Busch?”

“Is long story. You vill hide me, Josh!”

“John.”

“Maybe I vill vork for tour.”

“Doing what?”

“Do you need trophy vife?”

“No.”

“First Lady?”

“Dead & Company does not need a First Lady. Listen, Melania, just leave him if you’re so unhappy.”

“I cannot! He vill send Rudy Giuliani after me vith his clawfingers and veird eyeballs! Or Sarah Sanders vith her fat arms and veird eyeballs. Josh?”

“Yes?”

“Vhy he have so many people vith veird eyeballs vorking for him?”

“Just a coincidence, I guess.”

“See! You understand me, Josh Meyers. Now come help Melania out of trenchcoat.”

“Um…”

“Is easy. Just a button or two.”

“Um, Mrs. Trump, are you trying to seduce me?”

“Shh. Come to First Lady.”

“Oh, this won’t end well.”