How cool is Joan Jett? She’s “cover Cole Porter with Paul Westerberg” cool.
You were never, not even in the tightest-bellied height of your youth, as cool as Joan Jett. You are not currently as cool as Joan Jett. There is no time in the future when you shall be as cool as Joan Jett.
Nor will your posture be as sterling.
A Joan Jett story, courtesy of Douglas Carter Beane, writer of “To Wong Fu, All My Love, Julie Newmar”, from his days as a stage manager in a tiny NYC club:
DCB [backstage, unfailing dapper, tall and super-obviously extra gay]:
“Miss Jett! It’s flowers from your fans time!”
JJ [also, but somewhat less-obviously, super gay, paused en route to the stage with one tightly leather-clad leg in the air, graciously receiving said flowers]:
“Oh, thanks Dougie. Hey, you know what?
These pants
are going
Up.
My.
Cunt.”
DCB: …
JJ: …
DCB: …
JJ: “When’s curtain?”
DCB: “5 minutes.”