- Another bloated white guy who’s semi-cool with ethnics but also thinks doctors are for rich people.
- Threadbare Teddy Ruxpin doll pre-loaded with stories about Tip O’Neil.
- A yoga teacher from Toluca Lakes named Carol who queefs uncontrollably.
- $240 worth of pudding.
- Joe and Mika’s pool boy, Flexible Hector.
- Katy Tur.
- Either of the two surviving Fat Boys.
- Duffel bag full of furious raccoons.
- The Ghost of Peter Jennings, and every night he reports live from the Berlin Wall while wearing a bitchin’ trenchcoat, and the guy in the studio is all How the fuck are you at the Berlin Wall? It came down in ’91 and Peter’s like Dude, I’m a ghost and the guy’s all Right, sure. Hey, Pete: trench looks awesome and Peter Jennings goes Oh, yeah; I can wear the fuck out of a trenchcoat. Now shut up so we can hear David Hasselhoff sing.
- Speaking of the Hoff: Let KITT do it; during sweeps week, he can jump over shit.
- Six or seven pairs of feet personally selected, and then masturbated on, by Quentin Tarantino.
- A qualified, intelligent, and entertaining woman of colHAHAHAHAHAHAHAit’s gonna be a white guy.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Tag: chris matthews
On one hand, you should wear a suit when you meet a Senator; on the other hand, fuck that shit.
OR
I always get Chris Matthews mixed up with Tim Russert and Chris Berman. They’re bloated, gently-talented, and you just know that there’s a whole wall in their office devoted to pictures of them with important people that visitors get undesired tours of.
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It’s not Mickey’s fault that he looks ridiculous, Younger Enthusiast. The 80’s/early 90’s were all about the double-breasted suit, which makes 99% of men look like they’re swimming in a box made of fabric.
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Pretty sure this is ’93. I have no joke or observation about that fact, but I googled for almost ten minutes straight trying to figure it out, and I didn’t want the information to go to waste.
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“No, Mickey, we can’t wire the Rotunda for sound and have a drum circle with the pages.”
“Aw.”
“Jer, you got any stash?”
“I might have something on me, Senator.”
“Break that shit out, then. Let’s get fucked up.”
“Sweet.”
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