Why are you Iron Man, Josh Meyers?
“Someone has to be. Plus, an Iron Man suit is literally the most expensive outfit in the world.”
True.
“I have pants that cost twenty grand, but these suckers are seven figures a pop.”
Do you get concierge service with that?
“It’s extra, but it’s available. I recommend it.”
Is it comfortable?
“It makes terrycloth feels like canvas. The only word is ‘sumptuous.’ Plus, I can take out a major city with it.”
Don’t do that. Are you gonna wear that on Dead & Co’s next tour?
“No. I wore it at a soundcheck, and Billy kept sticking fridge magnets to me. Really explicit ones, too.”
Sounds right.
CELL PHONE NOISE
Cell phone?
“Yeah. I can’t get the suit’s Bluetooth to shake hands with my phone.”
The perils of the modern world.
…
“You’re on with John.
“Ah, good boy. You’ve acquired the, uh, weapon.”
“The Iron Man suit is more than a weapon, Mr. President. Why are you pointing at Cambodia?”
“I want you to blow it up for me, son. Blow up Cambodia for Nixon.”
“No.”
“These are the hills within which the rebels, the Communist rebels, led by Ho Chi Minh are hiding. Right here about a hundred clicks east of Phnom Penh. Hills are crawling with rebels. We want you to take them out.”
“I’m not taking out any rebels, sir.”
“Not the rebels, son: the hills. You, uh, deny the enemy ground upon which to stand, and you eliminate his fighting ability. The entire landscape has to go: hills, valley, lakes, rivers. Take it all down to the bare grain. The Cambodians will cease to be a problem once there’s no Cambodia. That’s realpolitik, son. Ugly, yes, but it provides for the long-term peace. Cambodia must die so Laos can live.”
“How did Laos get into this?”
“How does Laos get into anything? Via the Great Game. We all play it. You, for example, didn’t read the owner’s agreement of that suit, which clearly states that the Sokovian Accords are in effect for purchasers. This, uh, grants me the authority to order you around. Now put your helmet on and obliterate Cambodia for America.”
“Goddammit.”
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