Hey, Mick. Whatcha doing?
“We’re doin’ a tewevision show, aren’t we? Gonna spwead a wittle joy an’ all that t’the faaaaaaaaans.”
That’s nice of you. What’s with Charlie?
“Chahwee?”
Charlie.
“CHAH-weeeeee.”
Char. Char. You make the sides of your tongue hit the roof of your mouth.
“He’s my drummah, in’t he?”
Oh, don’t say that. He gets angry when you say that.
“Don’t bewieve that story. It’s scuh-wuh-wis.”
Huh?
“Scuh-wih-wis.”
Are you trying to say ‘scurrilous?”
“I don’t care.”
Seriously, why is Charlie air drumming?
“I don’t care.”
Don’t be putulant.
“I’m not being petch-oo-wint.”
Don’t say “petulant,” either. Don’t be it or say it.
“Wisten, you. Don’t tell me–”
SHWUZZNERGNERGNERGBLAMPF!
“What wuzzat?”
Ah, shit.”
“JAGGER, YOU ARE A BAG MADE OF FLESH AND FULL OF SHIT!”
“Kwaus?”
“KLAUS! MEIN NAME IST KLAUS, YOU FILTHY ROAST BEEF-FILLED PIG! ENGLISH IS MEIN FOURTH LANGUAGE UND I SPEAK IT BETTER THAN YOU!”
“Where did Wonnie go?”
“RONNIE! HIS NAME STARTS WITH A FUCKING ‘R!’ OH, WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO HAVE ZE LUFTWAFFE BACK!”
“Wude.”
SHWEEEEEEEEEBADUMDEEFLOMK!
“What’s all this, then?”
“Michael. Come to me.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“This is your name. I had a name once, but it got lost somewhere in the sea of time. Come to me, Michael, and we will be mopey together. I have a castle.”
“I awso have a castle.”
“Mine is spookier.”
“I don’t wanna.”
“Fine. Do you have any Bauhaus records?”
“I might. Hey, what happened to Charwee?”
“Are you trying to say ‘Charlie?'”
“I am saying Chahwee.”
“Not what I’m hearing. And, you know, I’ve got a great set of ears on me.”
FLOOZUMKADOOSH!
“Oh, what now?”
“I HATE YOU SO MUCH.”
“Pwease stop yewwing. Why are you in a spacesuit?”
“I am an ice pirate.”
“Cool.”
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