I have no words. Trust me. You’ll not have a finer five minutes, not this wretched year.
Musings on the Most Ridiculous Band I Can't Stop Listening To
Tag: the beatles
Who’ll Stop The Rain?
Unanswerable question, like “Is the current king of France bald?” Cannot be answered in the negative, as that implies that someone could stop the rain. You could respond with “Maybe Kevin could do it,” but that would just be glib and unhelpful. Rain pays no attention to humanity straddling athwart it crying hold. Rain’s gonna rain until there’s no more rain.
Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby, Standing In The Shadow?
I’m certain that I have. No specific memory pops to mind, but it would be nearly impossible not to have seen the woman under the protection of an overhang or leafy tree at one point. She lived in the house I grew up in, and we saw each other often. Yes, Rolling Stones, I have seen this which you describe. Thank you for asking.
Isn’t She Lovely?
Stevie, this totally depends on the antecedent of “she.” Who are we talking about? Martha Muttonface? That chick’s fucked-up looking, Stevie.
Pss pss pss.
I have been informed that Stevie was singing about his newborn daughter; obviously the answer to the question is “yes, quite lovely.”
Do You Know The Way To San Jose?
Yes.
How Deep Is Your Love?
Seven fathoms.
Where Have All The Flowers Gone?
San Jose.
Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
I need more information than that. Are you hungry? If so, is there food in the house? Do you have to work? If you do, then you need to go. Did you just eat the servants? You will definitely have to go if you have just eaten the servants. That’s just rude, The Clash. Stop eating hard-working writers’ servants.
Have You Ever Seen The Rain?
You back, Creedence? What is it with you and rain? You’ve got some sort of hang-up. And, yes. Of course I’ve seen fucking rain, Creedence. You trying to pull something? Got my eye on you, Creedence.
When Will I Be Loved?
When you open your heart, child. In the summer of your smile as the sunflowers bow to you, and with strong grass underfoot your soul: then shall love enter, then shall love heal, then shall love nourish. You will be fed by love! But only when you open your heart, and maybe go to a bar or try the online thing again. Gotta put yourself out there.
Where Did Our Love Go?
San Jose.
Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?
The Naval Observatory in DC. This could have been looked up, Chicago. Don’t make me do your work for you.
Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?
These are just getting dumb. Even if there weren’t the danger of getting run over, the road is made of road, and therefore not pleasant for humping upon. In a car on the road would be fine, but the road itself? Fuck that shit, The Beatles.
Wouldn’t It Be Nice?
Sure.
“Bob, this is getting out of hand.”
“Which part?”
“All of it. All of it, really. The dosing, the legofication, all of it. Me friends are here now, and two of them are supposed to be dead.”
“There might be a little bit of Time Sheath involvement here, I think.”
“Time what?”
“Sheath.”
“Sheath?”
“Yeah, but it’s capitalized.”
“Sheath.”
“Right.”
“Like a time machine?”
“No, not really. Nothing like a machine.”
…
“It’s a Sheath.”
“Bob, I’m a patient man, but you’re getting me angry.”
“WHO YOU TALKING TO, QUEENFUCKER?”
“Good one, Lego Billy.”
“Thanks, Lego Branford.”
“Motherfucker, I will kick your lego ass you call me that one more time!”
…
“Is that your new band, Bob?”
“Appears to be, yeah.”
“This is very good acid, Bob. It is just acid, correct?”
“There might be some other stuff in it.”
“Such as?”
“Magic.”
“Mm, yes.”
“Little bit of turmeric.”
“I was going to say that I was feeling very anti-inflammated.”
“Fellow named Doctor Gary is doing some of our work for us now.”
“Oh, Katy Perry’s man?”
“Yup, yup.”
“Bob, this is it, right? As weird as it’s going to get, I mean?”
“Uhh, yeah? Maybe. Could be. Definitely could be.”
“AH CHALLENGE BOTH BEATLE AND GRATEFUL DEAD TO COMBAT IN MAH LEGO DOJO.”
“Or, you know: not.”
“FIGHT WITH THE KING, HARRY GARCIA AND YOKO!”
“Everyone has to stop calling me that.”
“AH WILL KICK YOU WITH MAH HANDS AND PUNCH YOU WITH MAH FEET. AH C’N DO SHIT LIKE THAT CUZ AH’M ELVIS.”
“Do you know him, Bob?”
“Of course I know him: he’s Elvis.”
“No, no. Personally.”
“We’ve not been introduced.”
“Why is he here, then?”
“T’KICK HIPPIE ASS!”
…
“He’s here to kick hippies ass, I guess.”
“Do we have to fight him?”
“Well see next post?”
“What?”
“Nothing.”
- Loose Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
- Goin’ Down the Long and Winding Road Feelin’ Bad.
- And Your Bird Song Can Sing.
- Lady Madonna T-Shirt.
- With a Little Help on the Way from my Friends.
- Money, Money (That’s What I Want).
- The Eleven After 909.
- Yer New, New Minglewood Blues.
- Tomorrow Never Knows You, Rider.
- Duffel Bag Full of Furious Raccoons (One of Whom is Named Rocky).
- The Ballad of Keith and Mrs. Donna Jean.
Portland, Oregon, is known for many things: its rare-cheese district, the Space Needle, and its indigenous Itruca people. (In accordance with the progressive politics Portland is known for, the Itruca and their culture is scrupulously protected, and they run around in loincloths shooting at monkeys with blowdarts. Several people have noted that you can either be indigenous to Oregon or you can shoot at monkeys with blowdarts, but not both; the people that pointed this out were all Twitter-shamed.)
The Rose City is also home to Mr. Completely, who passes along this piece of truly trivial trivia for the discerning Rock Nerd/Gear Fetishist: though the Dead and the Beatles* don’t have many connections, Garcia (briefly) shared a guitar with George Harrison (kinda).
Garcia (surely at least half-drunk, since this is the Festival Express) stumbled onstage to jam with Delancy & Brewster (or maybe Daffodil & Booboo, I can’t bring myself to care) and was given the Telecaster he’s playing in the above picture.
Delacroix & Bingbong were some sort of folk-rock duo that George Harrison hooked up with after his wife broke up the Beatles. (That’s the true story: Yoko was a patsy.) Eric Clapton was also in their band for a minute, too, which makes you wonder if the combo was nothing but the least interesting members of British bands – a reverse supergroup. John Deacon on bass, I suppose.
The guitar–a 1968 rosewood Tele–has a rare pedigree: it was one of two custom-made by Fender (the other was for Jimi Hendrix) and was used at both the Let It Be sessions and the rooftop concert they ripped off from U2. Other than the exotic lumber, it seems to be a stock Tele.
Look:
![[PDF] George Harrison's Fender](http://thoughtsonthedead.com/wp-content/uploads/PDF-George-Harrisons-Fender.jpg)
So here is the question: why was Garcia–the fussiest man alive about his equipment–playing a strange guitar? This was the Festival Express tour: he had his stuff with him, the sunburst Strat and whatever acoustic this is:
Hey, Billy. Nice hat.
“Stay on target.”
Sure, right. SO: here’s my thesis. Garcia wanted to play the Beatle’s guitar. There’s no way he’s more than five feet away from his guitar; no matter how rushed the jam session, he could have grabbed it. Garcia knew that was George Harrison’s old guitar and wanted a crack at it.
Also to be remembered: that was a new guitar. ’68 was two years ago in this photo. Not a vintage guitar.
Also to be mulled over: the Grateful Dead was the least telecaster band there was. Factually and spiritually, the Dead were anti-telecaster. (Bobby has a couple now, and it just doesn’t look right.)
Also to amuse you: George’s 1968 rosewood telecaster was re-acquired by the Harrison family, and they shipped it to Fender, where it was taken apart and measured scientifically to be reproduced by the Fender Custom Shop for $13,500 a pop. They made one hundred. Family paid half-a-mil to get the sucker back. You can do math.
(A STERN WARNING: that last link is to a Rolling Stone article and those fuckers autoplay videos. If Trump promised to execute people who autoplay videos in their sites, I would vote for him. That’s my key issue.)
*I am expecting I shall be apprised of the Marin/Liverpool links in the Comment Section.
Enthusiasts, if posts are light in the next few days, you can blame The Beatles. TotD has been gleefully streaming all of the genius work of everyone’s favorite band. What? The Beatles aren’t your favorite band and the best thing in the whole world? I would call you a Communist, but we all know that The Beatles were loved by Communists, and–along with Levi’s 501 jeans–won the Cold War for the good guys.
Gosh, I could listen to the Liverpudlians’ sweet harmonies forever, and re-purchase their catalog every two years. My favorite The Beatles’ songs? Besides ALL OF THEM!? Glad you asked!
- The one that closes benefit concerts.
- The one they stole from Chuck Berry.
- The medley.
- The other medley.
- The George Harrison songs that are all so great. (He was a talent.)
- Hey, it’s Billy Preston!
- The drug song.
- The one with a sitar, for some reason.
- The twee song.
- The whimsical song.
- The fey song.
- Let’s have Ringo do a number!
- Revolutions #1-8.
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