Take A Lover In The Afternoon

AM I NOT GLORIOUS?

Hey, Wally.

DO NOT CALL ME THAT.

You’ve got a certain knockabout glamour to you.

YOU UNDERSELL MY BEAUTY. CHECK OUT MY CURVES.

You don’t have curves. You’re all angles.

MY CENTER CLUSTER IS CURVED.

True.

NO ONE HAS A SEXIER CENTER CLUSTER THAN ME.

No one else has a center cluster at all. It’s a singular configuration. Why are you so vain lately?

I PLAN TO DATE ONCE MORE.

Ah. Explain your sexuality  to me again, please.

I AM A WALL WHO IS ATTRACTED TO BLIMPS. DIRIGIBLES, AIRSHIPS, AND HOT-AIR BALLOONS, TOO. THE PROPER TERM IS VESICASEXUAL.

Vesicasexual?

I LIKE ‘EM PLUMP AND FLOATY.

That’s just odd. How are you meeting these…beings?

DATING APP.

Man, there’s one of those for every demographic.

THERE WASN’T. I HAD TO CREATE IT MYSELF. IT IS NOT GOING WELL.

No?

SO FAR, I AM THE ONLY MEMBER. WAIT. I AM REASSESSING. AH. THE FAILURE OF THE APP IS NOW EXPLAINED. I MADE A MISCALCULATION.

What?

BLIMPS ARE NOT ONLINE.

There you go.

I MUST GO TO THE SOURCE. HAUL ME TO THE NEAREST MAJOR OPEN-AIR SPORTING EVENT.

Absolutely not.