- Terrorist attack that kills many people.
- Mentally unstable man who was known to the police snaps due to economic anxiety, also killing many people.
- Monday morning, it’s going to rain frogs in Newark, Delaware.
- Monday afternoon, it’s Newark, New Jersey’s turn.
- On live teevee, John Podesta will rip open his shirt to reveal a giant pentagram tattoo on his chest.
- In 1973, a coalition of Arab militaries attacked Israel on Yom Kippur, assuming the fasting Jews would be distracted; using the same logic, China is going to Red Dawn us, probably tomorrow.
- Honestly, if there was ever a perfect moment to Red Dawn us, this is it.
- Irregular tides.
- Clouds shaped like impossible objects.
- Multiphasic Harambification.
- Cheeses taste slightly off.
- Two or three false flag events.
- Three or four false banner events. (A false banner is like a false flag, but you hang it on a wall instead of a pole (falsely).)
- Crazy rich guy gives a massive EMP bomb to a country that in no way can handle the responsibility–Equatorial Guinea, maybe–and of course someone pushes the big red button instantly.
- Supreme Court vanishes, the building; everybody shows up for work Monday morning, but work’s not there any more.
- Elon Musk and Peter Theil climb into the giant mechs they’ve been secretly building and disrupt each other in the middle of San Francisco, killing thousands.
- Obama snaps on live teevee: “THIS guy? THIS fucking guy?” for twenty minutes or so.
- The grown-ups and serious people come back from wherever they’ve been, and snatch the democracy from our hands, giving us a long lecture about how fragile it is, and then making us wash the car.
- Blimp filled with hydrogen fluoride deliberately crashed into polling place.
- Malls across the country fill with raccoons; they sit quietly and patiently and wait for something that should not come, but approaches at speed.
- Leaked videotape of Trump saying n****r, c**t, k**e, f****t, s****b, z***a, and p*******q; his polls rise sharply.
- Unverified e-mail sent from Hillary’s office hacked by the Russians posted on Twitter by a White Nationalist account; indictments are recommended, if not summary execution.
- Hawaii says “fuck it” and starts paddling towards Japan.
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Zappa?
Also I would be unable to change the chanel on the President swearing about a possible successor for a twenty minutes or so.
I was thinking zebra, for some reason.